A new morning

Last night was good. Drew and I prayed together and a lot of issues came to the surface.
The computer is dismantled (I am currently in the computer lab.) The desk has been redeemed and is currently a "prayer station". Essentially, you sit there and you pray. That is what that desk's purpose is now.
I've been in contact with Steve Ortmann about Houston. Again, still keeping that with an open hand. Just praying about it and for them at this point.
I realized I'm scared of what they are planning on doing.
In theory, selling all of my things and moving to a poverty stricken place (Houston, of all places, whose temperature in the summer feels like Hell), seems easy enough.
But when Susie asks me to go to the Catholic Worker, I'm scared (I'm going Tuesday). Scared of what? I don't know, but I'm moving past it. I think it's my flesh that's completely uncomfortable and my flesh has been quite comfortable these past few weeks.\
Haggai is a good little book. Wow. Especially when read in the context of the American Church....
When you hear "signet ring", what do you think of?

Prayer please from a broken man....

Confess your sins to one another...
This seems a bit informal, but I still want to do it.
I need prayer. I'm humbly asking you, whoever you are, to please pray for/with me.
I have recently gone through a time of struggle with lust, and repeated times of giving in.
In my head, I know I am free from this, yet my heart...it's forgotten and I find those familiar metal cuffs around my wrists, feeling the weight and burden.
I do not like myself when I return to my own vomit. I feel I am no good to myself or others when I'm like this.
If drastic measures need to be taken, then so be it.
Jesus says cut your eye out if it causes you to sin.

On Blessings....

They come in all shapes and sizes.
I took a full week off work to go to Kansas to be a counselor. No, I didn't get paid to be out there, (though my gas was covered with was awesome).
Now that I look back on it, yeah, it was a step of faith, though it wasn't hard because I wanted to get away from Bethel, away from work, away from roommates (he would say the same thing, don't worry.)
And then coming back, the first three days I didn't have hours for work. I was kind of...frustrated at first but then I realized I get three days to rest and relax after a long hard spiritual week.
Then my boss begins throwing hours at me. Between today, tomorrow and Saturday, I'm working close to 30 hours. That's huge for 3 days and then I'm working 6 straight days next week. Whoa.
It's so weird, but God is still continuing to bless me. Man, I'm not perfect. I hope I've never claimed to be. I don't deserve it, but that's kind of the point, isn't it? Wow.
God, I simply cannot exaggerate how awesome and perfectly holy You are. Continue to show me myself in light of You so I can continue to be humbled.

Ummm.....What????

So, just got back from Kansas, at a camp called Timber Lakes. I was there for a week with Bethel Summer teams (the camp needed an extra counselor and through God's ridiculous awesomeness, I was contacted and I got to go).
Not even too sure where to go from here to be honest....
Do I mention what I think God is doing in my life?
For fear of failure do I not, just in case it may not happen?
...yeah okay, the second option sounds stupid and of the enemy so ready for this?

Freshman year I meet a guy named Greg Neumayer, and he begins discipling me. This is the first time I begin to understand what a "disciple" of Christ looks like. Yes, the journey has been long and FAR from perfect, but God has been insanely faithful to me.

Fast forward to the summer between freshman and sophomore year of college.
Towards the end, I go to a Baptist summer camp in Michigan for a week from the suggestion from a friend.
While there, I meet a fellow brother in Christ named Dan. We have a lot of the same heart for ministry and we instantly connect.

Please fast-forward again a few months. Sophomore year was a HUGE year of growth and pruning for me. I got connected with a family out in St. Louis who was hardcore into Freedom Ministry and making disciples. I went through the Keystone training, something very anointed by God to make disciples who make disciples. I began to hear stories of families who were completely sold out for the Lord and doing whatever it took to follow Him. I met a the Forest Family at a new years eve party is St. Louis (this was just one of the families I had heard about, among others like the Ortmanss).

Again, if you will, fast forward to May of this year. Dan and I reconnect and he comes to visit me at Bethel. He begins to weave his story of what God has been doing with him. Turns out he's moving to Houston to start a Ministry School that was coming from Mexico (a truly apostolic ministry). He tells me of this random encounter he had with 6 families who were planning on moving to Houston to do disciple-making ministry. He mentioned the Forest family (who I've met) and the Ortmanns (I've heard stories of). I was stoked, mostly for the small-world aspect of God I keep running into. Dan and I write out our connections and just sit and ponder at what God's doing.

Fast forward to last week. I am a counselor at Timber Lakes camp. In my cabin, I have two Ortmanns who are going to Houston, and I meet most of the other Ortmanns teens who are going and meet Ferral Ortmann, one of the parents going as well.
I instantly connect with the teens (ages 13-17 roughly) and see they have RIDICULOUS sold-out hearts for disciple-making ministry as well.

Long and short of it, I feel the Lord may want me in Houston. When? NO idea. Do I want to finish college? Yes, that would be the...wisest...smartest...safest option currently. The families haven't moved yet, they need to sell their houses before going. They hope to be in Houston by August, mostly to get their kids enrolled in the school systems.
Do I want to go? Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes.
I am praying for the Lord to begin to open doors. Open doors of communication, open doors of finances, open doors of peace of this option (if there's freedom in this to choose).
I have a little less than a year left before this option even seems feasible (with finishing college...believe me, I've considering forsaking my senior year and just going). The Lord may also have put on my heart again to fast from meat, this time for the entirety of my senior year of college. That will HAVE to be a calling from Him, otherwise I won't do it. (Not won't as in I'm unwilling, but won't as in I can't fast unless He gives me grace to do it. I've tried doing it in my flesh, and it fails).
The Lord brought me to Habukuk 2, and it gives me a lot of peace.
Then the Lord said to me,

“Write my answer plainly on tablets,
so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.
3 This vision is for a future time.
It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.
If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,
for it will surely take place.
It will not be delayed.
There ya go.
Thoughts?

Is God Really That Good?

I think I'll add something to my last post, just so I can clarify.
About the whole asking thing, here's the deal:
God knows us, inside and out. He WANTS to bless us, and that can mean a whole lot of different things.
Are we allowed to ask for those things, such a nice house, a good paying job...etc? Yes, of course and the question really comes down to "Is God really THAT good" which the answer is a loud, resounding and sometimes surprising "Yes!"
A friend of mine....From the point of being single and not dating anyone...within 7 months he found himself married AND he and his wife moved to Hawaii to support another married couple out there doing ministry, and just recently my friend came into contact with another man whose self-proclaimed full-time ministry is making disciples, something my friend is ALL about.
Is God really that good?
And is your first reaction to that "That could never happen to me?"
WHY NOT? Why wouldn't the God of the universe who sent His only Son to DIE FOR YOU want to bless you? Are you currently in sin? Then STOP. You are NO longer a slave to that sin. Seriously, you DO NOT HAVE TO DO THAT ANYMORE! Humble yourself, SCREAM out for help! Do whatever it takes. Email a friend right now and tell them you're in this sin and you want out. Click send!
I guess most of the point of my last post is God does promise us things and not that we need to expect that those things happen within our time-schedule or that we even need to ask for them, but for our faith and reassurance. Like 1 Corinthians 10:13. What the heck?? He WILL provide you with a way out. That gives me so much hope and joy, knowing that whenever I am tempted, He will provide me with a way out (and He has proven that over and over and over...) And the thing is, I didn't even ask for it most of the time. However, I did begin to recognize what was going on and it made me realize how amazing my God is and I had just one more reason to praise Him! So maybe, this thing about promises, it's just for His praise, to give us MORE reason to praise Him (not that we need it by any means, Jesus was MORE than enough,)
but again
Is God Really that Good?

I. Dare. You.

So I started reading this book by Francis Chan called "Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of The Holy Spirit"
Wowzers. So I'm on page 50 and there are probably 50 things I could write a blog about, but I just want to touch on one thing.
How many times have you asked God for something and it doesn't happen? Or how many times have you wanted to ask God for something and it didn't happen because of fear?
This is a simple truth that I've talked about before, but Chan added something new to this. Luke 11 is pretty significant in this. The first part of this chapter talks about "how to pray". (Someone remind me to talk about this later, do we really think Jesus meant us to pray EXACTLY this prayer? )
In verse 5, he talks about the two neighbors. Neighbor #1 goes to #2 late at night and asks for bread for a visitor, and #1 has nothing to give to him. #2 initially says, "No, it's late, I'm sleeping go away," but because of #1's boldness (or persistence), the bread will be given to him. Later in Luke, Jesus gives another parable about this persistent Widow. (luke 18). So here we have two EARTHLY examples of what persistence looks like when seeking something.
Jesus then turns around to the things of Heaven and says

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. 11"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for[f] a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

So God WANTS to give us the things in which we ask for, ESPECIALLY the Holy Spirit. So, this is kind of revolutionary, but now ask yourselves "What have I asked for, and what have I gotten?" Chan makes a HUGE point here in saying
Do not let your faith be made small when you ask for things that ARE NOT PROMISED by scripture and you do not receive them
Whoa. I think the reason this has hit me so hard recently is because I've wanted to begin studying God's promises. What EXACTLY is it that He has promised His children and what can I rightly expect from Him to provide? But then that naturally leads to, what have I asked Him that He hasn't promised to me? And do I expect that of Him? Is it right to go to your older brother and demand he spend the day with you when he hasn't promised it? (Disclaimer: I'm not saying limit God purely to what He promises in Scripture, I'm only saying let's BEGIN with the things He HAS promised for us, and go from there.)
I think this is HUGE! We've gotten into the habit of praying for things such as a "nice house" or "a good job" etc... And when those things don't come to pass, we point a huge finger at God and ask "What the heck?" But did God EVER promise those things? I don't think so. If we are truly seeking to "be more like Jesus", especially in regards to life, then we should be giving our houses and possessions away! I know Jesus promises we would be hated for loving Him. I know I don't pray that people will begin to hate me, but the point here is that most of what we THINK we deserve (whether we think it or not, we sure as heck are praying for it), God didn't actually promise those things.
And I wonder if people are just interpreting John 10:10 incorrectly. The abundant life? By whose standards?
My Dare For You: Pray that God would begin to show you HIS IDEA of what the ABUNDANT LIFE is supposed to be and that you would begin to exemplify that. I. Dare. You.

Summer Thus Far....

Hmm first things first, I was reading in Deuteronomy this morning at the suggestion of a friend. I was reading in chapter 6 where the "Sh-Mah" (I did not spell that right) is located. "Hear O Israel, the Lord your God is One...". My friend (Greg) and I talked about this passages a bit (Deut 6:1-12) and what stuck out to him and I. Basically, 6:6 is super important and something not a whole lot of people get. It's about the heart, your heart. It's not about doing things, and you may be tempted to think it is, because the next couple verses speak about things you should DO with these commands, however, go into verse 10 and suddenly, all of these things being laid out are things God WILL DO. Cities you DIDN'T build, good things you DID NOT provide, wells you DID NOT dig, and vineyards and olive groves you DID NOT plant. And these are all things God is going to give to you. And it says when you have finished eating and are satisfied, do not forget the Lord who delivered you from slavery.
I'm not a bible scholar, and I can't begin to tell you about deep biblical proofs or exegetical examples, but I know this: It is simply not about what you can do. Even in the Old Testament when we see all of these laws put in place for us, Moses still points to these two commandments as central tenants of the faith, and says "Take these to heart!!! DO NOT forget these! Tell them to your children, talk about them every day! Write them on your foreheads, on your houses!"
And then way later in the story, Jesus comes along in Mark, and when talking to some teachers, one asks Jesus which law is the most important and Jesus quotes this scripture, then adds "Love your neighbor as yourself" and the teacher agreed with him (which is generally a good thing to do, I've found). It simply can't be what we can do. We aren't slaves to that law, the law of DO, but so much more the law of grace or Law of BE. Make sure your heart is right, much more so than what your words profess or what your actions are doing. Yes, charity and volunteer work is good, but God wants a heart after His. Those things should NOT come out of a simple feeling of obligation. They should come out of an overflow of who He is transforming you to be.

Yeeaaahhh. Okay :) So, works a little slow these days. The D.C doesn't have a whole lot of hours, so I recently applied at Starbucks. I did this because I will have a car very soon, so I'll actually be able to have a job off-campus which is a pretty exciting thing. (I've honestly been waiting for Tradewinds to have a job opening, but that place has a small turn-around rate which is good for business). I was going to go to the beach, but a friend who was going with us found out (through a lot of pain and a hospital visit) that she has a kidney stone. They are extremely painful so she's on some pain-killers.
Anddd....a scan just came back saying my computer is virus/malware free. Can I get a whoop whoop?
I made the first of three payments on Susie's car. I took it to the shop today...

(P.S...let me just say...
PERRY AUTOMOTIVE...ON MCKINLEY JUST PAST CAPITOL STREET< BLUE BUILDING, YELLOW SIGN-- $10 basic oil changes. Kid you not. Go there now.)

...and the mechanic said the back suspension is broken (I kind of figured) and something about the front axel, but it's not an immediate concern). All in all, if I drop a grand into it, it should last me for a little while, at least (hey, Jesus said He's coming back in a little while, so I'd be okay with this car lasting me a little while :) )
I got to speak some truth into a sister's life today which was so good and refreshing. I think I got on the kick for a while that if I wasn't directly speaking truth (literally) into someones life, I wasn't be used, but I've come away from that a bit. :) Love is good and can be expressed in many different forms and fashions. And if I'm to be silent, but love, then so be it and it will be good.