Thursday, October 21, 2010

Untitled (Monday, January 19, 2009)

This pain that I have has no cause, rhyme or reason
Let me rip my heart open, let me show you the season

Unannounced it comes down like some fires from Hell
Demons who gnaw at you, wishing you well

Your chains are so heavy, click-clacking behind
But onward you press, and you slowly resign

They've always been there, like some unwanted cyst
Maybe you should end it, would you really be missed?

Lies and deceit slowly cloud o'er your vision
Somewhere along you've forgotten the mission

This disease, it's spreading, and it cracks your skin dry
You sit down and ponder and ask yourself "Why?"

This water you've heard of with some great renown
Don't let it touch you for surely you'll drown

Or not quite, but maybe, but surely...you think
You look at your chains, every last solemn link

Could life be unhindered, without chains could you see
A life without bondage, dare you say free?

Can freedom exist in such an unbridled state?
Your chains are so heavy, is this really your fate?

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Breath..Relax...Accept....Keep.....Enjoy.....

I think those five words are a good acronym.
B reathe
R elax
A ccept
K eep
E njoy

I'm currently on Fall Break (it could possibly be the last one i ever have...crazy) and I'm wondering what it is I want from this break. I see people studying, getting work done and I'm all for that, except I don't really have a lot of work to be doing currently.
So I'm in Chicago with a friend and his family. It's been a few years since I've had to privilege of staying here and living life with these folks.
And this is Fall Break, a break from what I have been doing, which is work at the Olive Garden and school work as well. I intend to break from the normal routine of what I normally would be doing and take a few days to step outside of that.

So, in essence, I want to break to act as a brake. I want to stop, stop doing whatever it is I have been doing normally (i.e school work and actual work).

And, I feel like the words in and of themselves are fairly self-explanatory however, do you notice the progression of the words themselves?
In order to relax, I must first breathe, and breathe deep. When was the last time you stopped and took a deep breath inward, held it for a second, then released? And not with the motivation of a sigh or frustration but a simple wanting to stop and relax?
So, once we've stopped and breathed, then relaxed, we should accept that which is put in front of us. "What exactly is it that we're accepting?" you may ask. Well, whatever blessing that happens to be placed in our path, whether it is an opportunity to go to Chicago, or simply the opportunity to read a favorite book. You have freedom in this option. Pick something and accept it's goodness.
And how often do we attempt to reject a blessing? Honestly, out of some self-righteous humbleness that won't allow anyone to do anything nice for you, how many times, when someone has wanted to pay for our meal, or give us a ride, or give us a gift, do we reply "Oh, you don't have to, but thank you anyway." or "No, it's okay, I can pay for my own meal" or any other plethora of excuses. We are still denying the blessing which someone wants to give us.
So keep it! Keep whatever blessing we may find, whether it is the time to read a book, or an opportunity to see loved ones. Please do not rob someone the opportunity to bless you. If they want to, please truly humble yourself and allow yourself to be served.
And then enjoy it! Why do we feel guilty when given a gift, like we don't deserve it? What exactly do you think you'll need to do in order to deserve someone paying for your gift? (now, as a side note, there is a difference here between simple gifts, and rewards. Yes, you should not accept praise or rewards for a deed in which you clearly had no part in. That is deceit.) However, when a loved friend wants to bless you with someone purely out of the fact that they are able, once you have accepted and kept it, allow yourself to enjoy it. What other purpose is there to a gift than to enjoy it? It's pointless if you don't enjoy that which has been given to you.
So, here's to hoping my break can be a brake.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

On growing up and blamelessness and living Miracles

I'm not 100% when the transition was made from child to adult. I don't think I remember waking up one morning, and having this thought in my head, telling me I'm suddenly an adult. Obviously, becoming 18 years old was a pretty big deal. And, in the eyes of the world, 21 should have been a bigger deal than it was.
These thoughts I have in my head these days are beyond me sometimes. Conversations with friends about topics I never would have dreamed I'd comprehend, much less want to even think about. Blamelessness, brother/sister relationship in Christ, baptism of the Holy spirit, Body of Christ, Church, church, Hawaii, Houston.
Sometimes I need encouragement. As it is, I doubt is not something I struggle with at the present moment, however I do honestly wonder how far I've really come in these past crazy 4 years of college. And all it seems I have to do it take a look back at those years, at the person I was, and then take a sober look at who I am now.

I.am.a.living.miracle.

So, that's a little intense you may say. And I would venture to say it doesn't begin to describe things. Miracles from God generally exist for one purpose: To bring you into a deeper knowledge of Himself. By healing you, by raising you from the dead, from giving you life and breath, He seeks to be known more fully by you. You.Are.The.Miracle. Do we grasp this? Do we grasp that our God is a God of the supernatural, the ever-healing Presence? You once were dead, lost in a world full of bondage, sin and hatred. And at some point (and maybe this hasn't even happened for some of you), you had an encounter with the living God. And from that moment on, you were never the same. No, so your addiction didn't go away over night (or maybe it did), or your thought processes were still roughly the same (or maybe they weren't). It's taken God 4 years to work some things out in my life. Do I *blame* God for that? I praise Him! He is working in my life! Who am I to put a time-restraint on that?
And now, do you understand what happens when we have this perspective?
The focus in no longer on the *means by which the miracle occurs*. Yes, we praise God for the healed infirmity, yes we praise God for the moment of inconceivable Joy we experience, and yes we praise God for the money which seemed like it would never come. However, all of those things have their purpose and their place: To draw you into a deeper and more intimate relationship with your Heavenly Father. Do we grasp that? Are we able to look past His gifts towards He who gives them?
You.Are.The.Miracle.
Praise Him and accept His invitation to be known in a more full and intimate way.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

On Life.....

So I want to blog, but every time I sit down at the chair, and and attempt to begin, my thoughts are as blank as the empty space I want them to occupy. Irony.
Nothing worth writing? No, there's plenty of things to bring God glory these days, new friends, the job, an up and coming, much needed fall break at a good friends house.
I think I'm caught in a loop these days which goes something like this...
Heavy burden....struggle.....take it off.....relax. Rise and repeat.
Can't seem to keep the weariness at bay for long, but this is more of what being an adult will be like than I've ever experienced. Working for rent/food. I mean, no, the classes will be ending soon, and the college era of my life will soon be done. No, not the burden, but definitely the NEED to work because of the NEED to pay bills. I don't have many, but they're enough to keep track of. I don't need/want anymore. Forget ever trying to own a new car, (as for a future mortgage, I think that one is avoidable as well, though I've not given much thought to it, I figure I do the whole apartment thing for a long long time).

Hmm...speaking of work, I must go, for today is a double and I'm not quite awake.

Farewell friends, may you find rest in the Lord this day and may He grant you peace as you go about your daily activities. May you find plenty of excuses to praise His name and so fewer to forget Him.