Upon the subject of money

I keep telling myself I am not out here to make money, that it's just a perk above and beyond what I really came out here to do. However, upon seeing my latest check being worth $72.21, I got a little angry and frustrated. No, I did not forget any decimal points or extra numbers. And that was for 56 hours of work. Now, if you do the math, I made roughly $1.29 an hour. Rough eh? I actually make a little more than that, however over $300 was taken out for deposits, meals/housing and the fact they paid me $2 more an hour on my last paycheck. Fun stuff huh?
And then I stop and think...."What exactly do I need this money for?" I have a cell phone bill I pay, so that needs to happen and I could be paying college off but it's not been a major concern as of yet. So, I don't really need it. I guess...it's just seeing very very very little actual fruit of my physical work.
Blah, so many frustrations lately. This is what I wrote on my previous internship blog post:

"So, I haven't written a blog in quite a while. It's not that I've been too busy or haven't had something to write about, it just hasn't happened.
I had an interesting talk with Twan and Greg at lunch one day. It was a hard pill to swallow. You think you can take constructive criticism and then two prophets come along and you suddenly realize you haven't really experienced constructive criticism until now. All of this, this whole internship, this whole "way" of doing ministry, being led by the Spirit...daily...is so foreign to me. Sometimes, I just want to stop, and take a sabbath. But then I ask myself have I really done any work and I honestly don't know. Well, work in a Kingdom sense. I do have a job out here, working 40ish hours a week, give or take depending on the week. And it seems that's the problem. I don't know what I'm doing, I barely have an idea of my role. I feel like I'm playing football and just have no idea what the game is or where I belong. So I find myself attempting to be the quarterback and failing or the running back and failing too. I think you understand where I'm going with this. And it's not that I'll never know these things, but currently I don't which makes life and functioning very difficult when I literally don't know what to do other than pray almost constantly that God would show me what He wants of me. And I'm such an outgoing guy that I want to meet these people I'm surrounded by, I want to know them and comfort them and speak into their lives and I know no other way than by getting to know them, which is almost exactly opposite from what most of the other people in the internship are doing. It bugs and frustrates me so much to see Twan and Greg just literally stand back and almost seemingly do nothing. But it only looks like nothing to me because I'm not looking with the right eyes. I don't understand their prayer, I don't understand or see the battlefield around me. And with no understanding or sight comes no action on my part. And then because of this blindess and lack of understanding on my part, what actual good can come from me meeting these people and getting to know them besides meeting a basic desire to know and be known. These have been my frustrations of late. "
so what now?

Almost a month...

It's been almost a month since I've updated this. Life gets busy, especially with a job and two other blogs that need updating and all that with limited internet abilities. So yeah, it's June 2nd now. I'm sitting in the employee rec. hall where all the employees chill out after a day of work ( for some, they literally work all day). There's a pool table ( an old coin pool table converted to be free ), a big screen T.V ( you can sign out a D.V.D player if you get really bored) and numerous chairs and tables ( it seems everyone but me brought their laptops). I still can't believe I'm in Wyoming currently. It absolutely blows my mind. Every time I catch a glimpse of the mountains that loom in the distance, I still, quite literally, gasp. I can't help but feel very small and insignificant. Life here is interesting.
God hAs I type right now, plans are being made to go white water rafting for free. That scares me. White water rafting is very terrifying. But yeah, it's a pretty sweet set up here. Most of the activities here are free to employees. Also, the food we eat is the same as the guests as well. They take care of their employees here, but they expect quite a bit. Already, several of the interns here have put in 12 hour shifts, one guy put in a 15 hour shift. I haven't had to work those kinds of shifts yet, just 5 or 6 hour shifts. Next week, my hours will get extended because the store I work at will extend their hours. I'm not here to make money. That's something I'm slowly recognizing and I'm o.k with that. As I'm moved around the past couple years, I've either lost or intentionally gotten rid of a lot of my possessions. It's been really good not to rely on so many material things. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy my longboard quite a bit and I own a decent amount of books, but nothing overboard.
God has been so good, especially with answered prayers. I've been seeing quite a few people around who work at the national park who I just really want to meet. Everyone here has a story that I really want to hear. So, I've been praying for opportunities to meet people and God has truly been faithful. Whether it's been through volleyball or pool or helping someone recycle some cardboard, I've truly been blessed with the people I've met here. More to come later....