To Manage The Stage

It's honestly been a while since someone has been clearly disappointed in me.
It stings. Makes me uncomfortable.
I screwed up. I missed a meeting for the play I'm stage managing. I plain forgot.

And the funny thing is, about five minutes after the meeting was over, I walk into the Fine Arts building, right where the meeting took place, still blind to the fact that I missed something. One of the designers spots me and says "Walk with me" and we walk by the room and pause.

Then it hits.

I was having a good day and you know what, I'm still having one. I got a lot accomplished today. Helped to organize the sculpture studio ( something I've been fearing for a while). I put in two hours of good, honest, hard work in and it felt good.

And I have big ideas for the ceramic studio. I do not know if this is "of God" in the sense of something He clearly wants me to do, but I am investing some major time in it. I have a very clear passion for it and it can be improved greatly.

I still feel like crap. Can't shake it off, no matter how much I want.
Maybe I'll go into the studio and make some pieces tonight. Who knows? Bah.

My Goodness How The Time Has Flewn

Inspiration for the day....

How did it get so late so soon?
It's night before it's afternoon.
December is here before it's June.
My goodness how the time has flewn.
How did it get so late so soon?

Dr. Theodor Suess Geisel.

Such truth. Time is flying by quicker than I feel I can keep up sometimes.
More to come on this subject.
For now, I must join in my voice to the chorus of others, harmonizing in 3rds, forte, with sforzando crescendos all in 6\8 time.

Alien

I look in the mirror and I recognize what I see.
I look at my heart and see a stranger, someone I haven't known for very long.
Who Is This?
Why am I set aside? God, I love you so much, but sometimes counting the cost seems to be more than my heart can possibly bear. To spend my lifetime acquiring my friends and to have to give them up in an instant.
To be set aside, to be the one to call them out of the darkness.
But until I do that, I still have to endure watching them in the darkness
Being consumed, their hearts destroyed by the Destroyer.
Lord, I'm not strong enough to run into the cave and grab them to show them the light.
I can only call from the entrance and pray and hope my words do not fall upon deaf ears.
How do I simply stand back at watch?
Is this what I am called to? To watch them struggle?
God, I pray. I pray for all of them. That HAS to be enough. God, please do the work I cannot do.
Open their hearts, make them curious about you!
Keep my heart a stronghold for you.

Can't Turn Christ Off

.....sometimes i wish i could. i think if we really think about it, most of us have felt this way before.
Sometimes, i look around and life has gotten so much harder since Christ has entered my life, since Christ has become my life.

Christ screwed up MY life. Yeah, i accepted Him into my life, ready for all "Christianity" had to throw at me. But then i began to look around, and slowly see all MY options disappear before my very eyes, vanishing at a rate quicker than i could comprehend. Why was this happening? I was under the impression Christ had set me free.

And i wish i had some cool little lesson at the end of this, tying it all together about how it's ok that Christ screwed up my life, because His way is better. I wish I could say I can handle this.

I can't. Pray for a disciple when I can barely keep it together myself?

Dead

If you're reading this blog to see the "life and times of Dave Pepin," then stop right now, for you'll find nothing here. However, if you have navigated your way to this page to see the Good work Christ is doing in David, to see David slowly, but surely die, and Christ slowly but surely live, you surely have come to the right place. This blog is not about me, but Him. It's all about Him.
i am merely an instrument, one in many, a soldier in God's spiritual army, designed to be recklessly abandoned.
Am i perfect?
No.
Am I blameless?
I try.
Am I running to the one who is Perfect and Blameless?
You better believe i am.
Want to run with me?