This doesn't normally happen...

I was praying for a friend and on a whim, I asked God to give me a scripture reference to them.
And the second I asked, Psalm 126 popped into my head. This doesn't normally happen, but apparently it was a good moment of faith, or my Dad wanting to bless me.
This is Psalm 126 and I've been pouring over it for the last two weeks:

When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion,
we were like men who dreamed. ^b]">

² Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
"The LORD has done great things for them."

³ The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.

⁴ Restore our fortunes, O LORD,
like streams in the Negev.

⁵ Those who sow in tears
will reap with songs of joy.

⁶ He who goes out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with him.

Please tell me this awakens something deep within you.
I want to be like a man who dreamed.
I want to sow in tears, and reap with songs of joy.
That's my prayer today:
Lord, fill my mouth with laughter, my tongue with joy.
But only if Your name will be heard among the nations through it.
Be known today, my Lord.

I don't...

...feel like writing a blog.
So I'm not going to.

Today was not a fun day....

'nuff said.
I don't want to think, I don't want to speak.
I want to sleep, and be like a man who dreamed.

I want this semester to be over. I want Bethel to be over.
No more homework, no more grades. I want to stop screwing up.

I just want to hide away and come back someone else.
I'm tired of this flesh, rip it away like green scales.

Batter my heart til it's unrecognizable.

Poisoned! Poisoned, I say!

D.C went so well. Hopefully, I'll write more about it.
I got food poisoning at some point. Last night was not fun, to say the least.
Vision was cast tonight. $99,000 for a church and school building? Yes.
Pottery shop down there, pottery by homeless? Yes.
Drop a lighthouse in the middle of the dark night, let those whose eyes have only seen the dark experience something else, something different, something GOOD.
Redefine your definition of homeless.
This is not my world, this is not my home. I have one, I've just yet to get there.
Does that sound like something God's put on your heart?
Displace yourself, give up your life, for His Work, His Kingdom and His Glory?
To see fruit more abundantly than you've known possible?
To make disciples that make disciples that make disciples? To minister to those around you intentionally, all the time? Not just a spare hour here or there for to have your life completely transformed into something that's not yours anymore?
To Live in Freedom? To walk in His Grace and Love and no longer be called a slave, or even a friend but a Son/Daughter?
To understand things like:
Love ≠ Approval
Peace ≠ Safety
Tolerance ≠ Agreement
Relationship ≠ Fellowship
Suffering ≠ Punishment
"I am" ≠ "I do"
Importance ≠ Urgency
Humbleness ≠ Inferiority
Does this resonate with your heart? Does this awaken something deep within you, something longing to see light, to see Truth? Stay Heartened, my friend. God is calling out a remnant, a generation not simply content to merely watch their faith pass by their eyes, but a generation seeking sanctification and consecration, a generation seeking the difference between the Holy and the common.
We're here and we're waiting for you to join us, but more importantly, He is waiting for you. Run to Him!

D.C Bound.....

It's 5a.m.
I got maybe 4 hours of sleep last night.
I'm headed to D.C. This is such a random trip. Goodness.
You should see the directions from the airport to the hotel. Red lines and Green lines....Tottenham and Farragut N. Good thing there are four other people coming.
God, give us strength and help us remember why we're doing this.
Coach Hunny, Zach Delaruellle and Robby Rasbaugh all prayed for me last night. God, I'm so sorry I have forgotten you in all of this. Amidst the hustle and bustle and constant thinking I can lead this by myself, You get the short end of the stick. I don't understand this stupid flesh all the time. Thank You for your grace, that it's Bigger than anything else I've ever understood.
Here goes nothing................

Well, I'm, not failing

I'm still passing Prob and Stats....I was right though, I got a 30% on the test, ( the average was a 54%....does this indicate anything?)
There's still hope but this means I have to attend Math Lab, along with the majority of the class.
Exodus 14:14 is a good verse. It sucks, but it's so good and I'm going to see what happens with it.
Wish me luck

Pslam 103:8

This was going to be yesterday's post but church happened and lots of papers needing to be written happened as well, so this had to be sacrificed. It happens.
I've found that the past couple of days, I am so quick to anger. And then that in itself tends to make me more angry ( and do you see where this leads? )
And it's a very physical anger too. Not violent, per-say, but very active in it's manifestation. I just get a whole lot of energy and testosterone and adrenaline pumping very quickly that I need to go do something. Thankfully, God's grace covers that like it does everything else.
Today, I'm just a little exhausted. I'll be able to slow down tonight and hang out with Nate Jackson and then Rachel Koons. It should be relaxing.
And now it's several hours later and I realize we have a meeting for the Green Team at 9.
Life needs to stop soon. I may explode.
However, the crescendo of homework seems to have ceased for a little bit, at least. Several papers down, but several more to go.

Second one today

....and the inspiration left me......
Today was a good day. Took a nap, and did a lot of longboarding.
This is going to mean a late night tomorrow night to get the homework done.
God, thank you for today. I truly praise you in the small moments, in the times that would normally seem so insignificant, but meant the the world to me today. You truly lavish Your love on us and we really have no idea.
Please give me patience. I can't do this without You, pure and simple. And I don't want to do this without You because it's completely pointless.
This is my prayer: Direct my everything.

Oh What A Night, Late December...well....it's November Actually...

So I spent the night at Christian and Becky's.
Boy, she can cook! Two home-cooked meals in one weekend. I am truly blessed. I got to see Coffee, currently my favorite dog in existence (followed closely by a small dog in Kansas City, MO at Josh Mill's house and a small dog named Smudge at Greg's aunt's house.)
Chloe and Susie weren't feeling well, so they stayed in all day and had a Lord of the Rings marathon. Needless to say, I was a bit jealous and I had yet to visit, so I kindly asked Chloe if, provided the gas money, she would come pick me up. About half way into the movie, a neighbor knocks on the door, and asks if she could borrow the phone. She needed to call the cops to report domestic abuse. Her name was Grace (go figure) and my heart was broken in so many pieces for her. I pray she got everything sorted out. The cops came, and I think her dad showed up too, though I'm not too sure on the details. With Chloe, Susie and Grace there, I felt a surge, albeit a small surge, of "Protect". It was different, though I felt oddly at peace with it. Grace was afraid her boyfriend was going to come back, and he did, but then ran away again.
It was a good night.
Lord, please give me wisdom to know when to speak and when to be silent, when to act and when to sit still. Lead my actions, my words and my thoughts.

I missed yesterday...oh well

God is so good. For some reason, they've canceled alternate chapel two days in a row, so I've been forced to go to the normal chapel. Not that this is an inherently bad thing, but this year, I've found I prefer alternate chapel for it's more low-key, chilled setting.
Today, however, I am so appreciative to have gone to normal chapel.
The speaker canceled last minute (another victim of the swu, I assume).
So, they pulled together a last-minute praise and worship chapel, complete with Shekinah Glory (I cry every time those girls dance.)
It was just good. Good in the sense that God is good. I felt the Holy Spirit move in my soul and I could not help but smile. I didn't even realize I was holding in the Joy I was receiving until I let it out. Todd let loose on the organ setting and I just lost it.
Laughter is so good, especially when it's shared. Drew was right there with me, laughing so hard. And it wasn't even the organ sound that was funny. I couldn't help but laugh because there was nothing to do but laugh. Not out of exhaustion or frustration, but simple, yet complete overwhelming and welcomed Joy. And it just made the rest of my day seem lighter.

Yesterday was a long day. I had class at 9:30-10:50, then a break. Class from 12:00-1:50, 2:00-3:20, break. Work 7-midnight. Suffice to say, Thursdays are no day of rest.
And here comes the theme of the semester: papers. I always have a paper to be writing.
Papers that need writing/finishing by Tuesday.

Art History

• Comparing my church (house) to an ancient Sumerian Ziggurat
• Defend whether or not the ancient myth of the Minotaur happened

Disciple-making Structures in Ministry

• My view of discipleship/ministry
• One lesson plan for a wed night youth group

and now for the papers due by the end of the semester

Art History

• At least 6 more papers over random topics, and galleries and museums

Disciple-making Structures

• 4-year curriculum for a wednesday night youth group
  
• 1500-1600 word reflection on what I've learned in the class

Theory of knowledge

• Final Paper (subject unknown)

These are my focuses for the year. That, and I need to pass Prob and Stats. The encouraging (sarcasm) part about that is the Math department decided that they would change the class for this year. Basically they doubled the work load and made it harder to study and ask questions. The professor said (and I quote) "We expect more people to fail this class than in previous years". Now, despite what you think (you, whoever you are that reads this, however many few of you are out there), this isn't complaining but rather a scholarly update on my life. Despite what I think, academics are, unfortunately, a large part of my life that need some attention. However, I keep insisting God did not bring me to purely for my education, but more importantly for His Truth, which I've found and experienced in abundance. More on that later....

Technically, it's the 6th, but who's counting?

Yeah, this one is counting for the 5th of November since I'm still up and probably will be for another hour or so, writing a paper (maybe longer, Smallville is playing and I don't know what to do with this paper and my mind drifts off to other things...............)
I'm drinking Simply Orange. I got it for $2.00. I continue to be pleasantly surprised.
Again, my mind drifts to things not of this world, to a truth, a light, a presence beyond that which I can know. It sails towards desires being submitted, and put through the holy fire, to be cleansed and made holy.
......................

A little more consistency perhaps

So, I have no idea if anyone actually reads this or checks up on it ( they haven't had good reason to do so in the past few months)
However, I'm going to attempt write something everyday. Hopefully, it will just be a general update on my day and what happened essentially, but who knows what life lessons will be thrown my way.
I'm starting today with today.
It was a good day. I got to my first class and checked my email in the computer in the room. I found out I had forgotten to write a paper due today, so reluctantly, I left class to go write this paper. (p.s. this is proving to be more difficult than it should be. For some reason, something is malfunctioning on my laptop to where the laptop will think I clicked the mouse and the cursor will just go there. This proves difficult when writing papers, especially when the mouse is somewhere in the paper it shouldn't be and I randomly start typing in the middle of my paper....comprende?)
I got the paper done, and went to 2 out of my 3 classes. That's been an issue lately, the whole not going to class. It's pretty bad and I need to start going to class. :)
I had dinner with Laura Overs. Pretty cool girl and it was good to see her heart and see what God has been doing with her. I'm not too sure if anything will progress with that. ( And when I say progress, I mean in a ministerial sense, not in any romantic sense whatsoever. )
I got my homework done tonight. The prob and stats homework was a bit frustrating and I emailed the prof letting her know I'd be asking questions tomorrow ( when I go to class, which I haven't been in...ohh...2 weeks now? It's all good though, attendance is not part of the grade, she made that very clear).
And on to another day!