I feel like I'm constantly on a boat in the middle of the ocean and the smallest wave scares me and makes me run into hiding. I don't know always how to stand strong in my weakness, how to let Him be strong for me. But I am trying.
I am saying no to temptation. It's no longer just because of busyness that I avoid sin. I do not wish to be help captive to this, to anything other than grace. I will be a slave to Grace for I can never repay what was done for me.
I'm always either the prodigal son or the older brother.
I'm meant to become more like the father.
I read a very encouraging prayer the other day, given to me by a dear sister. It was a poem by Mother Teresa:
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
I can't quite explain to you why this resonated so much within me, however I think when read in the context of Galatians 1:10, it makes so much sense. I've tried so hard and so long to win the approval of man (my parents, my friends, mentors, teachers, family) in various ways (potential school choice, extra-curriculars, vacations) and while I do feel fulfilled for a time, it still leaves me feeling empty. Why do we constantly drink a water that leaves us thirsty? I desire for Him and Him alone. That's why I'm at Bethel, it's why I have $20,000+ in loans to pay off when I could have attended any other school for free. It's affected every part of my life and I want it to permeate who I am.
It's no longer your faith or the faith of my parents or friends or mentors, but my own. It's between me and Him.
And I am accountable to my brothers and sisters. I'm never above Godly, righteous reproach from anyone, whether it be someone pouring into me or someone I'm pouring into.
And we do learn from each other, don't we? I've learned just as much from you (Whoever you are) as I hope you've learned from me. This isn't just a one-way road. It's not even a two-way road, but a three-way, one leading between you and I and the other two leading from us heaven bound.
Yet another chapter in this life He has graced me with. Chapter....oh I've lost count at this point.
1 comment:
Ya DAve! Keep digging brotha! He's working in you and through you. You and Him in this together, you are not alone...first and foremost you have our Heavenly Father who loves you so much, and secondly you have all of us around you. Lean on the body of christ as well brosef! :)
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