We're allowed to be sad, right?
We're allowed to be grieved when things don't go the way we think they should go, especially when we know to the best of our ability that we're being obedient to the Spirit? So where do you even go from there? When you've uprooted your family, moved to a far away place, barely making it month to month financially, what do you do? Is it wrong to feel that praying in those situations gives you little comfort?
I wonder if that's then a reflection on how you're viewing God at that point. Who/what is to blame? I'm not saying God is to blame, but we'd sure like to point a finger at something, even if it is ourselves.
I don't think we'll always have a finger to point.
Why is it I always feel kicked, especially when I'm down?
I think it's because when I'm standing, those blows mean little to me, but the second I'm down, they all feel like the end of the world.
Maybe Spring Break will be somewhere else?
Who knows.....?
Friday, December 10, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
untitled
All I wanted was food and a movie
It's really not too much to ask for
I didn't want my eyes opened to the pain
And I got so much more than I bargained for
Waiting in line, I saw her bloodied up face
The sad look in her eyes told a story
Bruises and blood covered her features
A shell of her once beautiful glory
All she wanted was love and acceptance
It's really not too much to ask for
Instead she got a backhand and a fist
So much more than she bargained for
Taking a bus back to the good old home
Running away from his fire
Tears stream down "I think i'll be okay,
It' just that I am so tired"
Waiting in line for my pizza
On her arms are the marks of her hate
She says she had a really bad day
The numbness, she just had to sate
My words of comfort seem empty and shallow
You've made these yourself, the wounds are so deep
The pain brings you comfort, it awakens whats left
But the price is getting so steep
The children are crying in the streets
Motherless, fatherless
Arms stretched towards everything but the Heavens
They'll soon drown in their own tears, they'll all soon bleed out
These are the stores we need to enter into.
Ask for your eyes to be open, you'll see the pain, the hurt, the misery.
Loves wins, but it wins at a cost.
Are you willing to have your heart shatter for these people?
Your brothers and sisters, the lost sheep of the flock?
This is not easy, this is not clean, this is not painless.
He did not promise us this would be easy, clean or painless
Only that it will be worth it.
It. Will. Be. Worth. It.
It's really not too much to ask for
I didn't want my eyes opened to the pain
And I got so much more than I bargained for
Waiting in line, I saw her bloodied up face
The sad look in her eyes told a story
Bruises and blood covered her features
A shell of her once beautiful glory
All she wanted was love and acceptance
It's really not too much to ask for
Instead she got a backhand and a fist
So much more than she bargained for
Taking a bus back to the good old home
Running away from his fire
Tears stream down "I think i'll be okay,
It' just that I am so tired"
Waiting in line for my pizza
On her arms are the marks of her hate
She says she had a really bad day
The numbness, she just had to sate
My words of comfort seem empty and shallow
You've made these yourself, the wounds are so deep
The pain brings you comfort, it awakens whats left
But the price is getting so steep
The children are crying in the streets
Motherless, fatherless
Arms stretched towards everything but the Heavens
They'll soon drown in their own tears, they'll all soon bleed out
These are the stores we need to enter into.
Ask for your eyes to be open, you'll see the pain, the hurt, the misery.
Loves wins, but it wins at a cost.
Are you willing to have your heart shatter for these people?
Your brothers and sisters, the lost sheep of the flock?
This is not easy, this is not clean, this is not painless.
He did not promise us this would be easy, clean or painless
Only that it will be worth it.
It. Will. Be. Worth. It.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Shabbat
I sit here, 9:25am on a Thursday morning. I've been up for 2 hours and since being up, I've helped move a grand piano. I feel accomplished. But today is meant to be a day of rest, and it's funny how everyone simply believes rest to be inaction. We need to get out of this mindset. Mark 2:27 sums it up nicely. The sabbath is such a gift to us, but let me suggest a different way of looking at it. I don't know how much scripture I can quote here, but I'll do my best to ground my words in scriptural truth (I say that very intentionally because all scripture is truth, but not all truth is found in scripture...wrestle with that for a bit).
It seems in the context of Matthew 12:43-45, and this basic idea that you have to replace a lie with truth or no real good is done, that you should do the same with the Sabbath. (And please know, these probably aren't my original ideas...Ecc 1:9).
But it seems to me that Sabbath should not just be a day of pure inaction. I feel like the Pharisees tried doing that and it failed. If the Sabbath was made for man, to stop doing that which makes us weary, does simple inaction cure this? I don't think so. I think the actions and daily activities that make us so weary need to be replaced with things that give us a simply joy, and peace and make us laugh, or make us take a deep breath (go ahead, take a deep breath, it will feel so good). Today is my sabbath. I've helped move a piano and I'm going to do quite a bit of homework today. Go figure, right? But, you know, it's going to be restful. I generally don't do homework. This is going to be fun, I'm excited to write some of these papers, to do a good job on these assignments. And I'm going to enjoy it. I enjoy blogging and expressing my ideas which is why you're reading this on this particular day. And at some point, I may lay by the pond and watch the leaves fall. They dance for me on the wind. :)
So, basically, on your "days off", find something, anything, that gives you joy. If you enjoy gardening, do it. If you want to chill at Steak 'N Shake, grab a milkshake and read about Jesus, do it. If you want to drive until your gas tank is half empty and then come back, do it. If you have NO idea what would give you this simple joy in life, stop and ask. Our Father loves to give us good gifts and knows us better than we know ourselves. I'm sure the creator of the universe has some good ideas. And, honestly, if your day involves a nap, do it! Watch a movie, laugh, cry, weep, jump for joy, go swing, go for a jog, read a book for pleasure, make yourself a ridiculous sandwhich, go to a concert, chill at a coffee shop, breathe deep because this is the day God has given us to enjoy. Be with your Father this day, beloved!
It seems in the context of Matthew 12:43-45, and this basic idea that you have to replace a lie with truth or no real good is done, that you should do the same with the Sabbath. (And please know, these probably aren't my original ideas...Ecc 1:9).
But it seems to me that Sabbath should not just be a day of pure inaction. I feel like the Pharisees tried doing that and it failed. If the Sabbath was made for man, to stop doing that which makes us weary, does simple inaction cure this? I don't think so. I think the actions and daily activities that make us so weary need to be replaced with things that give us a simply joy, and peace and make us laugh, or make us take a deep breath (go ahead, take a deep breath, it will feel so good). Today is my sabbath. I've helped move a piano and I'm going to do quite a bit of homework today. Go figure, right? But, you know, it's going to be restful. I generally don't do homework. This is going to be fun, I'm excited to write some of these papers, to do a good job on these assignments. And I'm going to enjoy it. I enjoy blogging and expressing my ideas which is why you're reading this on this particular day. And at some point, I may lay by the pond and watch the leaves fall. They dance for me on the wind. :)
So, basically, on your "days off", find something, anything, that gives you joy. If you enjoy gardening, do it. If you want to chill at Steak 'N Shake, grab a milkshake and read about Jesus, do it. If you want to drive until your gas tank is half empty and then come back, do it. If you have NO idea what would give you this simple joy in life, stop and ask. Our Father loves to give us good gifts and knows us better than we know ourselves. I'm sure the creator of the universe has some good ideas. And, honestly, if your day involves a nap, do it! Watch a movie, laugh, cry, weep, jump for joy, go swing, go for a jog, read a book for pleasure, make yourself a ridiculous sandwhich, go to a concert, chill at a coffee shop, breathe deep because this is the day God has given us to enjoy. Be with your Father this day, beloved!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Just a few things swimming around in my head....
lack of expectation
blamelessness
living above reproach
lies
truth
doubt
assurance
homework
responsibility
suffering servant
friends
blamelessness
living above reproach
lies
truth
doubt
assurance
homework
responsibility
suffering servant
friends
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Untitled (Monday, January 19, 2009)
This pain that I have has no cause, rhyme or reason
Let me rip my heart open, let me show you the season
Unannounced it comes down like some fires from Hell
Demons who gnaw at you, wishing you well
Your chains are so heavy, click-clacking behind
But onward you press, and you slowly resign
They've always been there, like some unwanted cyst
Maybe you should end it, would you really be missed?
Lies and deceit slowly cloud o'er your vision
Somewhere along you've forgotten the mission
This disease, it's spreading, and it cracks your skin dry
You sit down and ponder and ask yourself "Why?"
This water you've heard of with some great renown
Don't let it touch you for surely you'll drown
Or not quite, but maybe, but surely...you think
You look at your chains, every last solemn link
Could life be unhindered, without chains could you see
A life without bondage, dare you say free?
Can freedom exist in such an unbridled state?
Your chains are so heavy, is this really your fate?
Let me rip my heart open, let me show you the season
Unannounced it comes down like some fires from Hell
Demons who gnaw at you, wishing you well
Your chains are so heavy, click-clacking behind
But onward you press, and you slowly resign
They've always been there, like some unwanted cyst
Maybe you should end it, would you really be missed?
Lies and deceit slowly cloud o'er your vision
Somewhere along you've forgotten the mission
This disease, it's spreading, and it cracks your skin dry
You sit down and ponder and ask yourself "Why?"
This water you've heard of with some great renown
Don't let it touch you for surely you'll drown
Or not quite, but maybe, but surely...you think
You look at your chains, every last solemn link
Could life be unhindered, without chains could you see
A life without bondage, dare you say free?
Can freedom exist in such an unbridled state?
Your chains are so heavy, is this really your fate?
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Breath..Relax...Accept....Keep.....Enjoy.....
I think those five words are a good acronym.
B reathe
R elax
A ccept
K eep
E njoy
I'm currently on Fall Break (it could possibly be the last one i ever have...crazy) and I'm wondering what it is I want from this break. I see people studying, getting work done and I'm all for that, except I don't really have a lot of work to be doing currently.
So I'm in Chicago with a friend and his family. It's been a few years since I've had to privilege of staying here and living life with these folks.
And this is Fall Break, a break from what I have been doing, which is work at the Olive Garden and school work as well. I intend to break from the normal routine of what I normally would be doing and take a few days to step outside of that.
So, in essence, I want to break to act as a brake. I want to stop, stop doing whatever it is I have been doing normally (i.e school work and actual work).
And, I feel like the words in and of themselves are fairly self-explanatory however, do you notice the progression of the words themselves?
In order to relax, I must first breathe, and breathe deep. When was the last time you stopped and took a deep breath inward, held it for a second, then released? And not with the motivation of a sigh or frustration but a simple wanting to stop and relax?
So, once we've stopped and breathed, then relaxed, we should accept that which is put in front of us. "What exactly is it that we're accepting?" you may ask. Well, whatever blessing that happens to be placed in our path, whether it is an opportunity to go to Chicago, or simply the opportunity to read a favorite book. You have freedom in this option. Pick something and accept it's goodness.
And how often do we attempt to reject a blessing? Honestly, out of some self-righteous humbleness that won't allow anyone to do anything nice for you, how many times, when someone has wanted to pay for our meal, or give us a ride, or give us a gift, do we reply "Oh, you don't have to, but thank you anyway." or "No, it's okay, I can pay for my own meal" or any other plethora of excuses. We are still denying the blessing which someone wants to give us.
So keep it! Keep whatever blessing we may find, whether it is the time to read a book, or an opportunity to see loved ones. Please do not rob someone the opportunity to bless you. If they want to, please truly humble yourself and allow yourself to be served.
And then enjoy it! Why do we feel guilty when given a gift, like we don't deserve it? What exactly do you think you'll need to do in order to deserve someone paying for your gift? (now, as a side note, there is a difference here between simple gifts, and rewards. Yes, you should not accept praise or rewards for a deed in which you clearly had no part in. That is deceit.) However, when a loved friend wants to bless you with someone purely out of the fact that they are able, once you have accepted and kept it, allow yourself to enjoy it. What other purpose is there to a gift than to enjoy it? It's pointless if you don't enjoy that which has been given to you.
So, here's to hoping my break can be a brake.
B reathe
R elax
A ccept
K eep
E njoy
I'm currently on Fall Break (it could possibly be the last one i ever have...crazy) and I'm wondering what it is I want from this break. I see people studying, getting work done and I'm all for that, except I don't really have a lot of work to be doing currently.
So I'm in Chicago with a friend and his family. It's been a few years since I've had to privilege of staying here and living life with these folks.
And this is Fall Break, a break from what I have been doing, which is work at the Olive Garden and school work as well. I intend to break from the normal routine of what I normally would be doing and take a few days to step outside of that.
So, in essence, I want to break to act as a brake. I want to stop, stop doing whatever it is I have been doing normally (i.e school work and actual work).
And, I feel like the words in and of themselves are fairly self-explanatory however, do you notice the progression of the words themselves?
In order to relax, I must first breathe, and breathe deep. When was the last time you stopped and took a deep breath inward, held it for a second, then released? And not with the motivation of a sigh or frustration but a simple wanting to stop and relax?
So, once we've stopped and breathed, then relaxed, we should accept that which is put in front of us. "What exactly is it that we're accepting?" you may ask. Well, whatever blessing that happens to be placed in our path, whether it is an opportunity to go to Chicago, or simply the opportunity to read a favorite book. You have freedom in this option. Pick something and accept it's goodness.
And how often do we attempt to reject a blessing? Honestly, out of some self-righteous humbleness that won't allow anyone to do anything nice for you, how many times, when someone has wanted to pay for our meal, or give us a ride, or give us a gift, do we reply "Oh, you don't have to, but thank you anyway." or "No, it's okay, I can pay for my own meal" or any other plethora of excuses. We are still denying the blessing which someone wants to give us.
So keep it! Keep whatever blessing we may find, whether it is the time to read a book, or an opportunity to see loved ones. Please do not rob someone the opportunity to bless you. If they want to, please truly humble yourself and allow yourself to be served.
And then enjoy it! Why do we feel guilty when given a gift, like we don't deserve it? What exactly do you think you'll need to do in order to deserve someone paying for your gift? (now, as a side note, there is a difference here between simple gifts, and rewards. Yes, you should not accept praise or rewards for a deed in which you clearly had no part in. That is deceit.) However, when a loved friend wants to bless you with someone purely out of the fact that they are able, once you have accepted and kept it, allow yourself to enjoy it. What other purpose is there to a gift than to enjoy it? It's pointless if you don't enjoy that which has been given to you.
So, here's to hoping my break can be a brake.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
On growing up and blamelessness and living Miracles
I'm not 100% when the transition was made from child to adult. I don't think I remember waking up one morning, and having this thought in my head, telling me I'm suddenly an adult. Obviously, becoming 18 years old was a pretty big deal. And, in the eyes of the world, 21 should have been a bigger deal than it was.
These thoughts I have in my head these days are beyond me sometimes. Conversations with friends about topics I never would have dreamed I'd comprehend, much less want to even think about. Blamelessness, brother/sister relationship in Christ, baptism of the Holy spirit, Body of Christ, Church, church, Hawaii, Houston.
Sometimes I need encouragement. As it is, I doubt is not something I struggle with at the present moment, however I do honestly wonder how far I've really come in these past crazy 4 years of college. And all it seems I have to do it take a look back at those years, at the person I was, and then take a sober look at who I am now.
I.am.a.living.miracle.
So, that's a little intense you may say. And I would venture to say it doesn't begin to describe things. Miracles from God generally exist for one purpose: To bring you into a deeper knowledge of Himself. By healing you, by raising you from the dead, from giving you life and breath, He seeks to be known more fully by you. You.Are.The.Miracle. Do we grasp this? Do we grasp that our God is a God of the supernatural, the ever-healing Presence? You once were dead, lost in a world full of bondage, sin and hatred. And at some point (and maybe this hasn't even happened for some of you), you had an encounter with the living God. And from that moment on, you were never the same. No, so your addiction didn't go away over night (or maybe it did), or your thought processes were still roughly the same (or maybe they weren't). It's taken God 4 years to work some things out in my life. Do I *blame* God for that? I praise Him! He is working in my life! Who am I to put a time-restraint on that?
And now, do you understand what happens when we have this perspective?
The focus in no longer on the *means by which the miracle occurs*. Yes, we praise God for the healed infirmity, yes we praise God for the moment of inconceivable Joy we experience, and yes we praise God for the money which seemed like it would never come. However, all of those things have their purpose and their place: To draw you into a deeper and more intimate relationship with your Heavenly Father. Do we grasp that? Are we able to look past His gifts towards He who gives them?
You.Are.The.Miracle.
Praise Him and accept His invitation to be known in a more full and intimate way.
These thoughts I have in my head these days are beyond me sometimes. Conversations with friends about topics I never would have dreamed I'd comprehend, much less want to even think about. Blamelessness, brother/sister relationship in Christ, baptism of the Holy spirit, Body of Christ, Church, church, Hawaii, Houston.
Sometimes I need encouragement. As it is, I doubt is not something I struggle with at the present moment, however I do honestly wonder how far I've really come in these past crazy 4 years of college. And all it seems I have to do it take a look back at those years, at the person I was, and then take a sober look at who I am now.
I.am.a.living.miracle.
So, that's a little intense you may say. And I would venture to say it doesn't begin to describe things. Miracles from God generally exist for one purpose: To bring you into a deeper knowledge of Himself. By healing you, by raising you from the dead, from giving you life and breath, He seeks to be known more fully by you. You.Are.The.Miracle. Do we grasp this? Do we grasp that our God is a God of the supernatural, the ever-healing Presence? You once were dead, lost in a world full of bondage, sin and hatred. And at some point (and maybe this hasn't even happened for some of you), you had an encounter with the living God. And from that moment on, you were never the same. No, so your addiction didn't go away over night (or maybe it did), or your thought processes were still roughly the same (or maybe they weren't). It's taken God 4 years to work some things out in my life. Do I *blame* God for that? I praise Him! He is working in my life! Who am I to put a time-restraint on that?
And now, do you understand what happens when we have this perspective?
The focus in no longer on the *means by which the miracle occurs*. Yes, we praise God for the healed infirmity, yes we praise God for the moment of inconceivable Joy we experience, and yes we praise God for the money which seemed like it would never come. However, all of those things have their purpose and their place: To draw you into a deeper and more intimate relationship with your Heavenly Father. Do we grasp that? Are we able to look past His gifts towards He who gives them?
You.Are.The.Miracle.
Praise Him and accept His invitation to be known in a more full and intimate way.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
On Life.....
So I want to blog, but every time I sit down at the chair, and and attempt to begin, my thoughts are as blank as the empty space I want them to occupy. Irony.
Nothing worth writing? No, there's plenty of things to bring God glory these days, new friends, the job, an up and coming, much needed fall break at a good friends house.
I think I'm caught in a loop these days which goes something like this...
Heavy burden....struggle.....take it off.....relax. Rise and repeat.
Can't seem to keep the weariness at bay for long, but this is more of what being an adult will be like than I've ever experienced. Working for rent/food. I mean, no, the classes will be ending soon, and the college era of my life will soon be done. No, not the burden, but definitely the NEED to work because of the NEED to pay bills. I don't have many, but they're enough to keep track of. I don't need/want anymore. Forget ever trying to own a new car, (as for a future mortgage, I think that one is avoidable as well, though I've not given much thought to it, I figure I do the whole apartment thing for a long long time).
Hmm...speaking of work, I must go, for today is a double and I'm not quite awake.
Farewell friends, may you find rest in the Lord this day and may He grant you peace as you go about your daily activities. May you find plenty of excuses to praise His name and so fewer to forget Him.
Nothing worth writing? No, there's plenty of things to bring God glory these days, new friends, the job, an up and coming, much needed fall break at a good friends house.
I think I'm caught in a loop these days which goes something like this...
Heavy burden....struggle.....take it off.....relax. Rise and repeat.
Can't seem to keep the weariness at bay for long, but this is more of what being an adult will be like than I've ever experienced. Working for rent/food. I mean, no, the classes will be ending soon, and the college era of my life will soon be done. No, not the burden, but definitely the NEED to work because of the NEED to pay bills. I don't have many, but they're enough to keep track of. I don't need/want anymore. Forget ever trying to own a new car, (as for a future mortgage, I think that one is avoidable as well, though I've not given much thought to it, I figure I do the whole apartment thing for a long long time).
Hmm...speaking of work, I must go, for today is a double and I'm not quite awake.
Farewell friends, may you find rest in the Lord this day and may He grant you peace as you go about your daily activities. May you find plenty of excuses to praise His name and so fewer to forget Him.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
escape
...and we'll just choose a few hours and erase them from our schedules. They simply won't exist, sort of an anti-schedule. Your day will only have 22 hours instead of 24. 1pm, 2pm, 4pm, 5pm will be the accepted daytime rhythm. In that empty space, we'll create meaning and find existence we previously were unaware of. We'll escape into our own wardrobe for a few hours, and come back; maybe not wiser, but with the sweet taste of a laugh on our lips, and a twinkle in our eyes that speaks deeper to your soul than any word ever could.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Thoughts from an open window
The crickets are the most beautiful sound in the world at this very moment. They wash over me memories of home. The cool wind gently creeps its way into my living space, nudging and poking in the most comforting of ways. Welcome back, old friend. Soon you'll be joined by my thicker blankets. But I welcome you.
There is peace and solace in the silence of the night. Come with me to find it. At a moments notice, the silence will be momentarily deafening as our brains recall what it is again that we've been missing.
Close your eyes. Breathe deep. Rest.
There is peace and solace in the silence of the night. Come with me to find it. At a moments notice, the silence will be momentarily deafening as our brains recall what it is again that we've been missing.
Close your eyes. Breathe deep. Rest.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Dealing
We all have those days, and it sucks when you have them. And when you see someone else have them, it's so easy to say "shake it off" because at that moment, it's what you would do. You're not having a bad day. A roommate just had his $700 bike stolen from the driveway today. Bike lock was cut clean in half. Man, that sucks. And...I almost feel guilty for having a good day. I bought a $50 ring from Wal-Mart to cover up the tattoo on my finger at work. The guy I'm training with informed me he had a spare ring I could borrow/have (not sure on that). So I tried returning it two days ago and they wouldn't let me because of a small technicality. And sometimes I go with the flow a little too much. I understood the technicality, and I walked away, but then I thought "That's $50 I'll never see again spent on something I am not going to use". So I went back today and successfully returned it.
Life throws you curves. And let me tell you this, it is not because you're a bad person, it is not because God is "punishing" you. Bad things happen to good people, bad things happen to bad people, good things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. That's just the way it is. But you have to trust that no matter where you fall in that spectrum, God is still there and is still in control. It may not seem like it on days when you get your bike stolen, but He is.
Life throws you curves. And let me tell you this, it is not because you're a bad person, it is not because God is "punishing" you. Bad things happen to good people, bad things happen to bad people, good things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. That's just the way it is. But you have to trust that no matter where you fall in that spectrum, God is still there and is still in control. It may not seem like it on days when you get your bike stolen, but He is.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
No title
And yet again, I'll start with the cliche line "So, it's been a while since I last updated". Once I was writing in this thing almost on a daily basis, maybe bi-daily or tri-daily, but either way there was consistency.
I'm now living off of Edison in Waterford Glen. I just got back from playing with the neighborhood kids. There are like 10 of them. It's sort of ridiculous but in the best possible way. They come to the door all the time wanting us to play or to borrow the longboards. Cracks me up.
It's an insanely big blessing whenever I get to play with kids. I can hardly remember being one myself, I mean I wasn't just born with this beard, but it was a long time ago.
And I'm sick these days. Tomorrow I'm going to the school doctor to see what's going on. I just hope it has nothing to do with my tonsils. That would not be good.
My voice is pretty much shot at this point. Go figure. I scream and scream at camp trying to lose it, and now i get sick and completely lose it.
I don't write on this as much as I would like but I'm still glad I have it so I can read what other people write and be incredibly blessed by it.
I'm now living off of Edison in Waterford Glen. I just got back from playing with the neighborhood kids. There are like 10 of them. It's sort of ridiculous but in the best possible way. They come to the door all the time wanting us to play or to borrow the longboards. Cracks me up.
It's an insanely big blessing whenever I get to play with kids. I can hardly remember being one myself, I mean I wasn't just born with this beard, but it was a long time ago.
And I'm sick these days. Tomorrow I'm going to the school doctor to see what's going on. I just hope it has nothing to do with my tonsils. That would not be good.
My voice is pretty much shot at this point. Go figure. I scream and scream at camp trying to lose it, and now i get sick and completely lose it.
I don't write on this as much as I would like but I'm still glad I have it so I can read what other people write and be incredibly blessed by it.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Are we this serious???
"Christ's call is to save the lost, not the stiff-necked; He came not to call scoffers but sinners to repentance; not to build and furnish comfortable chapels, churches, and cathedrals at home in which to rock Christian professors to sleep by means of clever essays, stereotyped prayers, and artistic musical performances, but to capture men from the devil's clutches and the very jaws of Hell. This can be accomplished only by a red-hot, unconventional, unfettered devotion, in the power of the Holy Spirit, to the Lord Jesus Christ."
C.T Studd
"When we are in hand-to-hand conflict with the world, the flesh, and the devil himself, neat little Biblical confectionery is like shooting lions with a pea-shooter; God needs a man who will let go and deliver blows right and left as hard as he can hit, in the power of the Holy Ghost. Nothing but forked-lightning Christians will count."
C.T Studd
C.T Studd
"When we are in hand-to-hand conflict with the world, the flesh, and the devil himself, neat little Biblical confectionery is like shooting lions with a pea-shooter; God needs a man who will let go and deliver blows right and left as hard as he can hit, in the power of the Holy Ghost. Nothing but forked-lightning Christians will count."
C.T Studd
Thursday, June 24, 2010
A new morning
Last night was good. Drew and I prayed together and a lot of issues came to the surface.
The computer is dismantled (I am currently in the computer lab.) The desk has been redeemed and is currently a "prayer station". Essentially, you sit there and you pray. That is what that desk's purpose is now.
I've been in contact with Steve Ortmann about Houston. Again, still keeping that with an open hand. Just praying about it and for them at this point.
I realized I'm scared of what they are planning on doing.
In theory, selling all of my things and moving to a poverty stricken place (Houston, of all places, whose temperature in the summer feels like Hell), seems easy enough.
But when Susie asks me to go to the Catholic Worker, I'm scared (I'm going Tuesday). Scared of what? I don't know, but I'm moving past it. I think it's my flesh that's completely uncomfortable and my flesh has been quite comfortable these past few weeks.\
Haggai is a good little book. Wow. Especially when read in the context of the American Church....
When you hear "signet ring", what do you think of?
The computer is dismantled (I am currently in the computer lab.) The desk has been redeemed and is currently a "prayer station". Essentially, you sit there and you pray. That is what that desk's purpose is now.
I've been in contact with Steve Ortmann about Houston. Again, still keeping that with an open hand. Just praying about it and for them at this point.
I realized I'm scared of what they are planning on doing.
In theory, selling all of my things and moving to a poverty stricken place (Houston, of all places, whose temperature in the summer feels like Hell), seems easy enough.
But when Susie asks me to go to the Catholic Worker, I'm scared (I'm going Tuesday). Scared of what? I don't know, but I'm moving past it. I think it's my flesh that's completely uncomfortable and my flesh has been quite comfortable these past few weeks.\
Haggai is a good little book. Wow. Especially when read in the context of the American Church....
When you hear "signet ring", what do you think of?
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Prayer please from a broken man....
Confess your sins to one another...
This seems a bit informal, but I still want to do it.
I need prayer. I'm humbly asking you, whoever you are, to please pray for/with me.
I have recently gone through a time of struggle with lust, and repeated times of giving in.
In my head, I know I am free from this, yet my heart...it's forgotten and I find those familiar metal cuffs around my wrists, feeling the weight and burden.
I do not like myself when I return to my own vomit. I feel I am no good to myself or others when I'm like this.
If drastic measures need to be taken, then so be it.
Jesus says cut your eye out if it causes you to sin.
This seems a bit informal, but I still want to do it.
I need prayer. I'm humbly asking you, whoever you are, to please pray for/with me.
I have recently gone through a time of struggle with lust, and repeated times of giving in.
In my head, I know I am free from this, yet my heart...it's forgotten and I find those familiar metal cuffs around my wrists, feeling the weight and burden.
I do not like myself when I return to my own vomit. I feel I am no good to myself or others when I'm like this.
If drastic measures need to be taken, then so be it.
Jesus says cut your eye out if it causes you to sin.
Friday, June 18, 2010
On Blessings....
They come in all shapes and sizes.
I took a full week off work to go to Kansas to be a counselor. No, I didn't get paid to be out there, (though my gas was covered with was awesome).
Now that I look back on it, yeah, it was a step of faith, though it wasn't hard because I wanted to get away from Bethel, away from work, away from roommates (he would say the same thing, don't worry.)
And then coming back, the first three days I didn't have hours for work. I was kind of...frustrated at first but then I realized I get three days to rest and relax after a long hard spiritual week.
Then my boss begins throwing hours at me. Between today, tomorrow and Saturday, I'm working close to 30 hours. That's huge for 3 days and then I'm working 6 straight days next week. Whoa.
It's so weird, but God is still continuing to bless me. Man, I'm not perfect. I hope I've never claimed to be. I don't deserve it, but that's kind of the point, isn't it? Wow.
God, I simply cannot exaggerate how awesome and perfectly holy You are. Continue to show me myself in light of You so I can continue to be humbled.
I took a full week off work to go to Kansas to be a counselor. No, I didn't get paid to be out there, (though my gas was covered with was awesome).
Now that I look back on it, yeah, it was a step of faith, though it wasn't hard because I wanted to get away from Bethel, away from work, away from roommates (he would say the same thing, don't worry.)
And then coming back, the first three days I didn't have hours for work. I was kind of...frustrated at first but then I realized I get three days to rest and relax after a long hard spiritual week.
Then my boss begins throwing hours at me. Between today, tomorrow and Saturday, I'm working close to 30 hours. That's huge for 3 days and then I'm working 6 straight days next week. Whoa.
It's so weird, but God is still continuing to bless me. Man, I'm not perfect. I hope I've never claimed to be. I don't deserve it, but that's kind of the point, isn't it? Wow.
God, I simply cannot exaggerate how awesome and perfectly holy You are. Continue to show me myself in light of You so I can continue to be humbled.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Ummm.....What????
So, just got back from Kansas, at a camp called Timber Lakes. I was there for a week with Bethel Summer teams (the camp needed an extra counselor and through God's ridiculous awesomeness, I was contacted and I got to go).
Not even too sure where to go from here to be honest....
Do I mention what I think God is doing in my life?
For fear of failure do I not, just in case it may not happen?
...yeah okay, the second option sounds stupid and of the enemy so ready for this?
Freshman year I meet a guy named Greg Neumayer, and he begins discipling me. This is the first time I begin to understand what a "disciple" of Christ looks like. Yes, the journey has been long and FAR from perfect, but God has been insanely faithful to me.
Fast forward to the summer between freshman and sophomore year of college.
Towards the end, I go to a Baptist summer camp in Michigan for a week from the suggestion from a friend.
While there, I meet a fellow brother in Christ named Dan. We have a lot of the same heart for ministry and we instantly connect.
Please fast-forward again a few months. Sophomore year was a HUGE year of growth and pruning for me. I got connected with a family out in St. Louis who was hardcore into Freedom Ministry and making disciples. I went through the Keystone training, something very anointed by God to make disciples who make disciples. I began to hear stories of families who were completely sold out for the Lord and doing whatever it took to follow Him. I met a the Forest Family at a new years eve party is St. Louis (this was just one of the families I had heard about, among others like the Ortmanss).
Again, if you will, fast forward to May of this year. Dan and I reconnect and he comes to visit me at Bethel. He begins to weave his story of what God has been doing with him. Turns out he's moving to Houston to start a Ministry School that was coming from Mexico (a truly apostolic ministry). He tells me of this random encounter he had with 6 families who were planning on moving to Houston to do disciple-making ministry. He mentioned the Forest family (who I've met) and the Ortmanns (I've heard stories of). I was stoked, mostly for the small-world aspect of God I keep running into. Dan and I write out our connections and just sit and ponder at what God's doing.
Fast forward to last week. I am a counselor at Timber Lakes camp. In my cabin, I have two Ortmanns who are going to Houston, and I meet most of the other Ortmanns teens who are going and meet Ferral Ortmann, one of the parents going as well.
I instantly connect with the teens (ages 13-17 roughly) and see they have RIDICULOUS sold-out hearts for disciple-making ministry as well.
Long and short of it, I feel the Lord may want me in Houston. When? NO idea. Do I want to finish college? Yes, that would be the...wisest...smartest...safest option currently. The families haven't moved yet, they need to sell their houses before going. They hope to be in Houston by August, mostly to get their kids enrolled in the school systems.
Do I want to go? Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes.
I am praying for the Lord to begin to open doors. Open doors of communication, open doors of finances, open doors of peace of this option (if there's freedom in this to choose).
I have a little less than a year left before this option even seems feasible (with finishing college...believe me, I've considering forsaking my senior year and just going). The Lord may also have put on my heart again to fast from meat, this time for the entirety of my senior year of college. That will HAVE to be a calling from Him, otherwise I won't do it. (Not won't as in I'm unwilling, but won't as in I can't fast unless He gives me grace to do it. I've tried doing it in my flesh, and it fails).
The Lord brought me to Habukuk 2, and it gives me a lot of peace.
Then the Lord said to me,
“Write my answer plainly on tablets,
so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.
3 This vision is for a future time.
It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.
If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,
for it will surely take place.
It will not be delayed.
There ya go.
Thoughts?
Not even too sure where to go from here to be honest....
Do I mention what I think God is doing in my life?
For fear of failure do I not, just in case it may not happen?
...yeah okay, the second option sounds stupid and of the enemy so ready for this?
Freshman year I meet a guy named Greg Neumayer, and he begins discipling me. This is the first time I begin to understand what a "disciple" of Christ looks like. Yes, the journey has been long and FAR from perfect, but God has been insanely faithful to me.
Fast forward to the summer between freshman and sophomore year of college.
Towards the end, I go to a Baptist summer camp in Michigan for a week from the suggestion from a friend.
While there, I meet a fellow brother in Christ named Dan. We have a lot of the same heart for ministry and we instantly connect.
Please fast-forward again a few months. Sophomore year was a HUGE year of growth and pruning for me. I got connected with a family out in St. Louis who was hardcore into Freedom Ministry and making disciples. I went through the Keystone training, something very anointed by God to make disciples who make disciples. I began to hear stories of families who were completely sold out for the Lord and doing whatever it took to follow Him. I met a the Forest Family at a new years eve party is St. Louis (this was just one of the families I had heard about, among others like the Ortmanss).
Again, if you will, fast forward to May of this year. Dan and I reconnect and he comes to visit me at Bethel. He begins to weave his story of what God has been doing with him. Turns out he's moving to Houston to start a Ministry School that was coming from Mexico (a truly apostolic ministry). He tells me of this random encounter he had with 6 families who were planning on moving to Houston to do disciple-making ministry. He mentioned the Forest family (who I've met) and the Ortmanns (I've heard stories of). I was stoked, mostly for the small-world aspect of God I keep running into. Dan and I write out our connections and just sit and ponder at what God's doing.
Fast forward to last week. I am a counselor at Timber Lakes camp. In my cabin, I have two Ortmanns who are going to Houston, and I meet most of the other Ortmanns teens who are going and meet Ferral Ortmann, one of the parents going as well.
I instantly connect with the teens (ages 13-17 roughly) and see they have RIDICULOUS sold-out hearts for disciple-making ministry as well.
Long and short of it, I feel the Lord may want me in Houston. When? NO idea. Do I want to finish college? Yes, that would be the...wisest...smartest...safest option currently. The families haven't moved yet, they need to sell their houses before going. They hope to be in Houston by August, mostly to get their kids enrolled in the school systems.
Do I want to go? Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes.
I am praying for the Lord to begin to open doors. Open doors of communication, open doors of finances, open doors of peace of this option (if there's freedom in this to choose).
I have a little less than a year left before this option even seems feasible (with finishing college...believe me, I've considering forsaking my senior year and just going). The Lord may also have put on my heart again to fast from meat, this time for the entirety of my senior year of college. That will HAVE to be a calling from Him, otherwise I won't do it. (Not won't as in I'm unwilling, but won't as in I can't fast unless He gives me grace to do it. I've tried doing it in my flesh, and it fails).
The Lord brought me to Habukuk 2, and it gives me a lot of peace.
Then the Lord said to me,
“Write my answer plainly on tablets,
so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.
3 This vision is for a future time.
It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.
If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,
for it will surely take place.
It will not be delayed.
There ya go.
Thoughts?
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Is God Really That Good?
I think I'll add something to my last post, just so I can clarify.
About the whole asking thing, here's the deal:
God knows us, inside and out. He WANTS to bless us, and that can mean a whole lot of different things.
Are we allowed to ask for those things, such a nice house, a good paying job...etc? Yes, of course and the question really comes down to "Is God really THAT good" which the answer is a loud, resounding and sometimes surprising "Yes!"
A friend of mine....From the point of being single and not dating anyone...within 7 months he found himself married AND he and his wife moved to Hawaii to support another married couple out there doing ministry, and just recently my friend came into contact with another man whose self-proclaimed full-time ministry is making disciples, something my friend is ALL about.
Is God really that good?
And is your first reaction to that "That could never happen to me?"
WHY NOT? Why wouldn't the God of the universe who sent His only Son to DIE FOR YOU want to bless you? Are you currently in sin? Then STOP. You are NO longer a slave to that sin. Seriously, you DO NOT HAVE TO DO THAT ANYMORE! Humble yourself, SCREAM out for help! Do whatever it takes. Email a friend right now and tell them you're in this sin and you want out. Click send!
I guess most of the point of my last post is God does promise us things and not that we need to expect that those things happen within our time-schedule or that we even need to ask for them, but for our faith and reassurance. Like 1 Corinthians 10:13. What the heck?? He WILL provide you with a way out. That gives me so much hope and joy, knowing that whenever I am tempted, He will provide me with a way out (and He has proven that over and over and over...) And the thing is, I didn't even ask for it most of the time. However, I did begin to recognize what was going on and it made me realize how amazing my God is and I had just one more reason to praise Him! So maybe, this thing about promises, it's just for His praise, to give us MORE reason to praise Him (not that we need it by any means, Jesus was MORE than enough,)
but again
Is God Really that Good?
About the whole asking thing, here's the deal:
God knows us, inside and out. He WANTS to bless us, and that can mean a whole lot of different things.
Are we allowed to ask for those things, such a nice house, a good paying job...etc? Yes, of course and the question really comes down to "Is God really THAT good" which the answer is a loud, resounding and sometimes surprising "Yes!"
A friend of mine....From the point of being single and not dating anyone...within 7 months he found himself married AND he and his wife moved to Hawaii to support another married couple out there doing ministry, and just recently my friend came into contact with another man whose self-proclaimed full-time ministry is making disciples, something my friend is ALL about.
Is God really that good?
And is your first reaction to that "That could never happen to me?"
WHY NOT? Why wouldn't the God of the universe who sent His only Son to DIE FOR YOU want to bless you? Are you currently in sin? Then STOP. You are NO longer a slave to that sin. Seriously, you DO NOT HAVE TO DO THAT ANYMORE! Humble yourself, SCREAM out for help! Do whatever it takes. Email a friend right now and tell them you're in this sin and you want out. Click send!
I guess most of the point of my last post is God does promise us things and not that we need to expect that those things happen within our time-schedule or that we even need to ask for them, but for our faith and reassurance. Like 1 Corinthians 10:13. What the heck?? He WILL provide you with a way out. That gives me so much hope and joy, knowing that whenever I am tempted, He will provide me with a way out (and He has proven that over and over and over...) And the thing is, I didn't even ask for it most of the time. However, I did begin to recognize what was going on and it made me realize how amazing my God is and I had just one more reason to praise Him! So maybe, this thing about promises, it's just for His praise, to give us MORE reason to praise Him (not that we need it by any means, Jesus was MORE than enough,)
but again
Is God Really that Good?
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
I. Dare. You.
So I started reading this book by Francis Chan called "Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of The Holy Spirit"
Wowzers. So I'm on page 50 and there are probably 50 things I could write a blog about, but I just want to touch on one thing.
How many times have you asked God for something and it doesn't happen? Or how many times have you wanted to ask God for something and it didn't happen because of fear?
This is a simple truth that I've talked about before, but Chan added something new to this. Luke 11 is pretty significant in this. The first part of this chapter talks about "how to pray". (Someone remind me to talk about this later, do we really think Jesus meant us to pray EXACTLY this prayer? )
In verse 5, he talks about the two neighbors. Neighbor #1 goes to #2 late at night and asks for bread for a visitor, and #1 has nothing to give to him. #2 initially says, "No, it's late, I'm sleeping go away," but because of #1's boldness (or persistence), the bread will be given to him. Later in Luke, Jesus gives another parable about this persistent Widow. (luke 18). So here we have two EARTHLY examples of what persistence looks like when seeking something.
Jesus then turns around to the things of Heaven and says
"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. 11"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for[f] a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"
So God WANTS to give us the things in which we ask for, ESPECIALLY the Holy Spirit. So, this is kind of revolutionary, but now ask yourselves "What have I asked for, and what have I gotten?" Chan makes a HUGE point here in saying
Do not let your faith be made small when you ask for things that ARE NOT PROMISED by scripture and you do not receive them
Whoa. I think the reason this has hit me so hard recently is because I've wanted to begin studying God's promises. What EXACTLY is it that He has promised His children and what can I rightly expect from Him to provide? But then that naturally leads to, what have I asked Him that He hasn't promised to me? And do I expect that of Him? Is it right to go to your older brother and demand he spend the day with you when he hasn't promised it? (Disclaimer: I'm not saying limit God purely to what He promises in Scripture, I'm only saying let's BEGIN with the things He HAS promised for us, and go from there.)
I think this is HUGE! We've gotten into the habit of praying for things such as a "nice house" or "a good job" etc... And when those things don't come to pass, we point a huge finger at God and ask "What the heck?" But did God EVER promise those things? I don't think so. If we are truly seeking to "be more like Jesus", especially in regards to life, then we should be giving our houses and possessions away! I know Jesus promises we would be hated for loving Him. I know I don't pray that people will begin to hate me, but the point here is that most of what we THINK we deserve (whether we think it or not, we sure as heck are praying for it), God didn't actually promise those things.
And I wonder if people are just interpreting John 10:10 incorrectly. The abundant life? By whose standards?
My Dare For You: Pray that God would begin to show you HIS IDEA of what the ABUNDANT LIFE is supposed to be and that you would begin to exemplify that. I. Dare. You.
Wowzers. So I'm on page 50 and there are probably 50 things I could write a blog about, but I just want to touch on one thing.
How many times have you asked God for something and it doesn't happen? Or how many times have you wanted to ask God for something and it didn't happen because of fear?
This is a simple truth that I've talked about before, but Chan added something new to this. Luke 11 is pretty significant in this. The first part of this chapter talks about "how to pray". (Someone remind me to talk about this later, do we really think Jesus meant us to pray EXACTLY this prayer? )
In verse 5, he talks about the two neighbors. Neighbor #1 goes to #2 late at night and asks for bread for a visitor, and #1 has nothing to give to him. #2 initially says, "No, it's late, I'm sleeping go away," but because of #1's boldness (or persistence), the bread will be given to him. Later in Luke, Jesus gives another parable about this persistent Widow. (luke 18). So here we have two EARTHLY examples of what persistence looks like when seeking something.
Jesus then turns around to the things of Heaven and says
"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. 11"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for[f] a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"
So God WANTS to give us the things in which we ask for, ESPECIALLY the Holy Spirit. So, this is kind of revolutionary, but now ask yourselves "What have I asked for, and what have I gotten?" Chan makes a HUGE point here in saying
Do not let your faith be made small when you ask for things that ARE NOT PROMISED by scripture and you do not receive them
Whoa. I think the reason this has hit me so hard recently is because I've wanted to begin studying God's promises. What EXACTLY is it that He has promised His children and what can I rightly expect from Him to provide? But then that naturally leads to, what have I asked Him that He hasn't promised to me? And do I expect that of Him? Is it right to go to your older brother and demand he spend the day with you when he hasn't promised it? (Disclaimer: I'm not saying limit God purely to what He promises in Scripture, I'm only saying let's BEGIN with the things He HAS promised for us, and go from there.)
I think this is HUGE! We've gotten into the habit of praying for things such as a "nice house" or "a good job" etc... And when those things don't come to pass, we point a huge finger at God and ask "What the heck?" But did God EVER promise those things? I don't think so. If we are truly seeking to "be more like Jesus", especially in regards to life, then we should be giving our houses and possessions away! I know Jesus promises we would be hated for loving Him. I know I don't pray that people will begin to hate me, but the point here is that most of what we THINK we deserve (whether we think it or not, we sure as heck are praying for it), God didn't actually promise those things.
And I wonder if people are just interpreting John 10:10 incorrectly. The abundant life? By whose standards?
My Dare For You: Pray that God would begin to show you HIS IDEA of what the ABUNDANT LIFE is supposed to be and that you would begin to exemplify that. I. Dare. You.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Summer Thus Far....
Hmm first things first, I was reading in Deuteronomy this morning at the suggestion of a friend. I was reading in chapter 6 where the "Sh-Mah" (I did not spell that right) is located. "Hear O Israel, the Lord your God is One...". My friend (Greg) and I talked about this passages a bit (Deut 6:1-12) and what stuck out to him and I. Basically, 6:6 is super important and something not a whole lot of people get. It's about the heart, your heart. It's not about doing things, and you may be tempted to think it is, because the next couple verses speak about things you should DO with these commands, however, go into verse 10 and suddenly, all of these things being laid out are things God WILL DO. Cities you DIDN'T build, good things you DID NOT provide, wells you DID NOT dig, and vineyards and olive groves you DID NOT plant. And these are all things God is going to give to you. And it says when you have finished eating and are satisfied, do not forget the Lord who delivered you from slavery.
I'm not a bible scholar, and I can't begin to tell you about deep biblical proofs or exegetical examples, but I know this: It is simply not about what you can do. Even in the Old Testament when we see all of these laws put in place for us, Moses still points to these two commandments as central tenants of the faith, and says "Take these to heart!!! DO NOT forget these! Tell them to your children, talk about them every day! Write them on your foreheads, on your houses!"
And then way later in the story, Jesus comes along in Mark, and when talking to some teachers, one asks Jesus which law is the most important and Jesus quotes this scripture, then adds "Love your neighbor as yourself" and the teacher agreed with him (which is generally a good thing to do, I've found). It simply can't be what we can do. We aren't slaves to that law, the law of DO, but so much more the law of grace or Law of BE. Make sure your heart is right, much more so than what your words profess or what your actions are doing. Yes, charity and volunteer work is good, but God wants a heart after His. Those things should NOT come out of a simple feeling of obligation. They should come out of an overflow of who He is transforming you to be.
Yeeaaahhh. Okay :) So, works a little slow these days. The D.C doesn't have a whole lot of hours, so I recently applied at Starbucks. I did this because I will have a car very soon, so I'll actually be able to have a job off-campus which is a pretty exciting thing. (I've honestly been waiting for Tradewinds to have a job opening, but that place has a small turn-around rate which is good for business). I was going to go to the beach, but a friend who was going with us found out (through a lot of pain and a hospital visit) that she has a kidney stone. They are extremely painful so she's on some pain-killers.
Anddd....a scan just came back saying my computer is virus/malware free. Can I get a whoop whoop?
I made the first of three payments on Susie's car. I took it to the shop today...
(P.S...let me just say...
PERRY AUTOMOTIVE...ON MCKINLEY JUST PAST CAPITOL STREET< BLUE BUILDING, YELLOW SIGN-- $10 basic oil changes. Kid you not. Go there now.)
...and the mechanic said the back suspension is broken (I kind of figured) and something about the front axel, but it's not an immediate concern). All in all, if I drop a grand into it, it should last me for a little while, at least (hey, Jesus said He's coming back in a little while, so I'd be okay with this car lasting me a little while :) )
I got to speak some truth into a sister's life today which was so good and refreshing. I think I got on the kick for a while that if I wasn't directly speaking truth (literally) into someones life, I wasn't be used, but I've come away from that a bit. :) Love is good and can be expressed in many different forms and fashions. And if I'm to be silent, but love, then so be it and it will be good.
I'm not a bible scholar, and I can't begin to tell you about deep biblical proofs or exegetical examples, but I know this: It is simply not about what you can do. Even in the Old Testament when we see all of these laws put in place for us, Moses still points to these two commandments as central tenants of the faith, and says "Take these to heart!!! DO NOT forget these! Tell them to your children, talk about them every day! Write them on your foreheads, on your houses!"
And then way later in the story, Jesus comes along in Mark, and when talking to some teachers, one asks Jesus which law is the most important and Jesus quotes this scripture, then adds "Love your neighbor as yourself" and the teacher agreed with him (which is generally a good thing to do, I've found). It simply can't be what we can do. We aren't slaves to that law, the law of DO, but so much more the law of grace or Law of BE. Make sure your heart is right, much more so than what your words profess or what your actions are doing. Yes, charity and volunteer work is good, but God wants a heart after His. Those things should NOT come out of a simple feeling of obligation. They should come out of an overflow of who He is transforming you to be.
Yeeaaahhh. Okay :) So, works a little slow these days. The D.C doesn't have a whole lot of hours, so I recently applied at Starbucks. I did this because I will have a car very soon, so I'll actually be able to have a job off-campus which is a pretty exciting thing. (I've honestly been waiting for Tradewinds to have a job opening, but that place has a small turn-around rate which is good for business). I was going to go to the beach, but a friend who was going with us found out (through a lot of pain and a hospital visit) that she has a kidney stone. They are extremely painful so she's on some pain-killers.
Anddd....a scan just came back saying my computer is virus/malware free. Can I get a whoop whoop?
I made the first of three payments on Susie's car. I took it to the shop today...
(P.S...let me just say...
PERRY AUTOMOTIVE...ON MCKINLEY JUST PAST CAPITOL STREET< BLUE BUILDING, YELLOW SIGN-- $10 basic oil changes. Kid you not. Go there now.)
...and the mechanic said the back suspension is broken (I kind of figured) and something about the front axel, but it's not an immediate concern). All in all, if I drop a grand into it, it should last me for a little while, at least (hey, Jesus said He's coming back in a little while, so I'd be okay with this car lasting me a little while :) )
I got to speak some truth into a sister's life today which was so good and refreshing. I think I got on the kick for a while that if I wasn't directly speaking truth (literally) into someones life, I wasn't be used, but I've come away from that a bit. :) Love is good and can be expressed in many different forms and fashions. And if I'm to be silent, but love, then so be it and it will be good.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
No More Storms At Sea For Me
I feel like I'm constantly on a boat in the middle of the ocean and the smallest wave scares me and makes me run into hiding. I don't know always how to stand strong in my weakness, how to let Him be strong for me. But I am trying.
I am saying no to temptation. It's no longer just because of busyness that I avoid sin. I do not wish to be help captive to this, to anything other than grace. I will be a slave to Grace for I can never repay what was done for me.
I'm always either the prodigal son or the older brother.
I'm meant to become more like the father.
I read a very encouraging prayer the other day, given to me by a dear sister. It was a poem by Mother Teresa:
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
I can't quite explain to you why this resonated so much within me, however I think when read in the context of Galatians 1:10, it makes so much sense. I've tried so hard and so long to win the approval of man (my parents, my friends, mentors, teachers, family) in various ways (potential school choice, extra-curriculars, vacations) and while I do feel fulfilled for a time, it still leaves me feeling empty. Why do we constantly drink a water that leaves us thirsty? I desire for Him and Him alone. That's why I'm at Bethel, it's why I have $20,000+ in loans to pay off when I could have attended any other school for free. It's affected every part of my life and I want it to permeate who I am.
It's no longer your faith or the faith of my parents or friends or mentors, but my own. It's between me and Him.
And I am accountable to my brothers and sisters. I'm never above Godly, righteous reproach from anyone, whether it be someone pouring into me or someone I'm pouring into.
And we do learn from each other, don't we? I've learned just as much from you (Whoever you are) as I hope you've learned from me. This isn't just a one-way road. It's not even a two-way road, but a three-way, one leading between you and I and the other two leading from us heaven bound.
Yet another chapter in this life He has graced me with. Chapter....oh I've lost count at this point.
I am saying no to temptation. It's no longer just because of busyness that I avoid sin. I do not wish to be help captive to this, to anything other than grace. I will be a slave to Grace for I can never repay what was done for me.
I'm always either the prodigal son or the older brother.
I'm meant to become more like the father.
I read a very encouraging prayer the other day, given to me by a dear sister. It was a poem by Mother Teresa:
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
I can't quite explain to you why this resonated so much within me, however I think when read in the context of Galatians 1:10, it makes so much sense. I've tried so hard and so long to win the approval of man (my parents, my friends, mentors, teachers, family) in various ways (potential school choice, extra-curriculars, vacations) and while I do feel fulfilled for a time, it still leaves me feeling empty. Why do we constantly drink a water that leaves us thirsty? I desire for Him and Him alone. That's why I'm at Bethel, it's why I have $20,000+ in loans to pay off when I could have attended any other school for free. It's affected every part of my life and I want it to permeate who I am.
It's no longer your faith or the faith of my parents or friends or mentors, but my own. It's between me and Him.
And I am accountable to my brothers and sisters. I'm never above Godly, righteous reproach from anyone, whether it be someone pouring into me or someone I'm pouring into.
And we do learn from each other, don't we? I've learned just as much from you (Whoever you are) as I hope you've learned from me. This isn't just a one-way road. It's not even a two-way road, but a three-way, one leading between you and I and the other two leading from us heaven bound.
Yet another chapter in this life He has graced me with. Chapter....oh I've lost count at this point.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Couldn't have said it better myself...
Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos. ~Charles M. Schulz
Sunday, May 16, 2010
The Summer Thus Far...
Whattowritewhattowrite?
I've been encouraged more these past few days than I have in a long time. Stagnation is such an ugly thing, and so is drifting. You never drift towards intimacy, always away from it. And I've been a piece of driftwood for far too long.
I am not an island. Seems to be my mantra lately.
How many bridges have I burned, I wonder. I know of many.
Some of the most healing words, coming from one I hurt.
Don't dwell on the past, I didn't go anywhere. I'm still here.. I'm still your friend.
I cannot even begin to express the healing that brought me.
Life is getting difficult. People are leaving and I don't quite know how to say "See you later."
Self-placed burdens are being lifted finally.
I am not an island
I've been encouraged more these past few days than I have in a long time. Stagnation is such an ugly thing, and so is drifting. You never drift towards intimacy, always away from it. And I've been a piece of driftwood for far too long.
I am not an island. Seems to be my mantra lately.
How many bridges have I burned, I wonder. I know of many.
Some of the most healing words, coming from one I hurt.
Don't dwell on the past, I didn't go anywhere. I'm still here.. I'm still your friend.
I cannot even begin to express the healing that brought me.
Life is getting difficult. People are leaving and I don't quite know how to say "See you later."
Self-placed burdens are being lifted finally.
I am not an island
Monday, May 3, 2010
Changes...
Senior. Once again, that word directly applies to me and my current situation because I am one.
Will the transition from college into this supposed "real world" be as stark as the one from high school to college?
Paying back thousands of dollars in debt.
Working a 9-5 M-f does not sound appealing.
I want to live in Hawaii in a tent in a national forest or a state park.
Get OUT of debt ASAP.
I want to live in a building on Western Street in South Bend with other families and live in community.
I want to go to Greece with Kostas in a year. Hang out there for a month or so and get some culture in my blood. It's filled with far too much American everything.
That's a long way away.
Right now, I have essentially a full-time job. I have a roof over my head and money to eat with and friends who are still in the area (some longer than others).
So, in essence, I don't know what I want necessarily, or at least the specifics.
Good.
Gives God more room to work in my life. Gives me WAY more options.
He has me. Always has, always will.
I trust You.
Will the transition from college into this supposed "real world" be as stark as the one from high school to college?
Paying back thousands of dollars in debt.
Working a 9-5 M-f does not sound appealing.
I want to live in Hawaii in a tent in a national forest or a state park.
Get OUT of debt ASAP.
I want to live in a building on Western Street in South Bend with other families and live in community.
I want to go to Greece with Kostas in a year. Hang out there for a month or so and get some culture in my blood. It's filled with far too much American everything.
That's a long way away.
Right now, I have essentially a full-time job. I have a roof over my head and money to eat with and friends who are still in the area (some longer than others).
So, in essence, I don't know what I want necessarily, or at least the specifics.
Good.
Gives God more room to work in my life. Gives me WAY more options.
He has me. Always has, always will.
I trust You.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Unknown...
I don't know.....
I really wish I did, but I don't.
I'm so distant, Your voice rings out so silently.
You move farther away, but it's me that's really moving.
Like a moving sidewalk I can't seem to shake.
Running against the stream and sometimes it's so easy to stop
and be carried away.
Against my will? Is it my will to stop?
When did this happen? When did this happen?
I don't have to live like this. I don't have to live like this,I don't have to live like this. I don't have to live like this.
I really wish I did, but I don't.
I'm so distant, Your voice rings out so silently.
You move farther away, but it's me that's really moving.
Like a moving sidewalk I can't seem to shake.
Running against the stream and sometimes it's so easy to stop
and be carried away.
Against my will? Is it my will to stop?
When did this happen? When did this happen?
I don't have to live like this. I don't have to live like this,I don't have to live like this. I don't have to live like this.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Pretty Much Done
Well, classes are finally over but it seems as I've passed one set of hoops to jump through, another appear on the horizon.
I was told I was staying in my current place of residence on campus until the end of May, however I've just recently found out that I need to move out most likely on Monday. So, all that cleaning I should have been doing during finals week, I didn't because...well I thought I didn't have to. And now I do.
Not the biggest thing in the world to worry about, but something else. :)
Susie is staying local. She has a place to stay and a semi-full time job. I say semi because she'll be staying at the Catholic Worker, a community of sorts in South Bend and in exchange for free room and board, she works/volunteers there. So, some of her time will be devoted to that, but she also has a full-time job on campus as well. It's a big blessing to say the least.
I do not know what this summer will hold. I do not know how Bethel Catering will go, or how I will enjoy working 30-35 (maybe...dare I say 40) hours a week again. Once I get into the groove of things, it becomes second nature and I actually begin to enjoy it, especially now being local with people I know around who I can spend time with.
Some friends from back home called last night and it looks like we may hang out sometime soon. This will be...something else. It's been a few years since I've seen some of these guys. We'll see how it goes.
I was told I was staying in my current place of residence on campus until the end of May, however I've just recently found out that I need to move out most likely on Monday. So, all that cleaning I should have been doing during finals week, I didn't because...well I thought I didn't have to. And now I do.
Not the biggest thing in the world to worry about, but something else. :)
Susie is staying local. She has a place to stay and a semi-full time job. I say semi because she'll be staying at the Catholic Worker, a community of sorts in South Bend and in exchange for free room and board, she works/volunteers there. So, some of her time will be devoted to that, but she also has a full-time job on campus as well. It's a big blessing to say the least.
I do not know what this summer will hold. I do not know how Bethel Catering will go, or how I will enjoy working 30-35 (maybe...dare I say 40) hours a week again. Once I get into the groove of things, it becomes second nature and I actually begin to enjoy it, especially now being local with people I know around who I can spend time with.
Some friends from back home called last night and it looks like we may hang out sometime soon. This will be...something else. It's been a few years since I've seen some of these guys. We'll see how it goes.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I should update, I suppose...
Life. Is. Crazy.
Finals this week...oh boy. So much work to do, but I see the light.
Stayin' local this summer, working for the computer lab and for Sodexho Catering. By June, both combined will be about 40 hours. That will definitely do.
I don't know where Susie will be, and neither does she currently. It's a little scary because up until this point, the "plan" was that she would stick around until August, but plans change as they so often do, so she may be home quite a bit sooner than previously anticipated. (I'm avoiding using the word "expected" because I do not like expectations...they cause trouble, especially when not met.) I don't like the idea of distance, but...it will be okay. I don't know what that means right now, but I know things will be okay.
Next semester is looking quite nice. I'm getting off campus with 4 other solid, quality guys. Three of them are going to Notre Dame in the fall and myself and the 5th man are staying at Bethel for our senior year. It will be nice to have a townhouse to ourselves, not have to deal with curfew, or that pesky rated R movie rule. And despite being 21, I still am not drinking until my time at Bethel is done. The Notre Dame boys will be able to indulge and that's fine. They have that freedom and I won't hold them to a "no-alcohol" rule by any means. And next semesters schedule is looking awesome. Ask me about it sometime. I'll tell you. Best semester yet as far as open time is concerned. And Philosophy of Film course? Heck. Yes.
God...has been aloof these days, well, I have been aloof these days. It would have pained me to say that before, but it is what it is, and I'm not above being broken and distant which are two things I'm definitely recognizing in myself lately. School gets so busy.
This summer will be good, so good. No homework constantly looming over my head. My only *honest* worries will be budgeting money so I can eat everyday. That, and rent. I'm honestly hoping this will encourage and spur me on to begin and keep some sort of disciple in my life (some working out, some daily time with Dad....not in order of importance). Those are so much needed in my life right now. Some sort of...peace and relaxation that I desperately need but cannot seem to find anywhere other than in His presence.
Finals this week...oh boy. So much work to do, but I see the light.
Stayin' local this summer, working for the computer lab and for Sodexho Catering. By June, both combined will be about 40 hours. That will definitely do.
I don't know where Susie will be, and neither does she currently. It's a little scary because up until this point, the "plan" was that she would stick around until August, but plans change as they so often do, so she may be home quite a bit sooner than previously anticipated. (I'm avoiding using the word "expected" because I do not like expectations...they cause trouble, especially when not met.) I don't like the idea of distance, but...it will be okay. I don't know what that means right now, but I know things will be okay.
Next semester is looking quite nice. I'm getting off campus with 4 other solid, quality guys. Three of them are going to Notre Dame in the fall and myself and the 5th man are staying at Bethel for our senior year. It will be nice to have a townhouse to ourselves, not have to deal with curfew, or that pesky rated R movie rule. And despite being 21, I still am not drinking until my time at Bethel is done. The Notre Dame boys will be able to indulge and that's fine. They have that freedom and I won't hold them to a "no-alcohol" rule by any means. And next semesters schedule is looking awesome. Ask me about it sometime. I'll tell you. Best semester yet as far as open time is concerned. And Philosophy of Film course? Heck. Yes.
God...has been aloof these days, well, I have been aloof these days. It would have pained me to say that before, but it is what it is, and I'm not above being broken and distant which are two things I'm definitely recognizing in myself lately. School gets so busy.
This summer will be good, so good. No homework constantly looming over my head. My only *honest* worries will be budgeting money so I can eat everyday. That, and rent. I'm honestly hoping this will encourage and spur me on to begin and keep some sort of disciple in my life (some working out, some daily time with Dad....not in order of importance). Those are so much needed in my life right now. Some sort of...peace and relaxation that I desperately need but cannot seem to find anywhere other than in His presence.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Wowzers
Talk about a crazy Easter.
Did not
expect this weekend
at all.
All I can do is smile at this point and think back to....
...lot's of little hands and feet....and lots of cuddling
So so so many good meals.....
Zebras and camels and lemurs....oh my...
Bike ride to a babbling brook just to exist
Tears and snakes in a cemetery
Realizing each day it's getting easier and easier to love you, that it's no longer hard and bumpy but smooth and natural.
A stupid, prissy dog.
And more family....and more family.
Besides, it's just a salad. :)
Did not
expect this weekend
at all.
All I can do is smile at this point and think back to....
...lot's of little hands and feet....and lots of cuddling
So so so many good meals.....
Zebras and camels and lemurs....oh my...
Bike ride to a babbling brook just to exist
Tears and snakes in a cemetery
Realizing each day it's getting easier and easier to love you, that it's no longer hard and bumpy but smooth and natural.
A stupid, prissy dog.
And more family....and more family.
Besides, it's just a salad. :)
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Lo Siento
I won't be updating this one too much for a while.
I have a real journal that needs filling.
It's true.
I have a real journal that needs filling.
It's true.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
T Pepin
On Tuesday, March 9th, my cousin Talon Pepin went Home. He was battling brain cancer, and some say he lost that battle.
But he's Home. He is hanging out with Jesus right now and that is such a better place to be.
We're all going to miss him and I cannot even begin to fathom the pain and hurt his parents and two siblings are experiencing right now.
I know I hurt. I don't grieve for the dead, I grieve at the existence of death.
Families move away, cousins don't see each other nearly as much as we used to.
Thanksgiving and Easter were always the big Pepin holidays, at Aunt Patty's and Uncle Duke and Aunt Katie's.
Life changes, people move away.
In all honesty, I want to see my family this weekend but....there will be so many tears. I'm afraid of that pain and sorrow.
How does one mourn or grieve in a healthy way?
I lost my grandma and grandpa a few years ago, I was at the hospital when she passed. I hate death so much.
Things. Just. Stop.
But he's Home. He is hanging out with Jesus right now and that is such a better place to be.
We're all going to miss him and I cannot even begin to fathom the pain and hurt his parents and two siblings are experiencing right now.
I know I hurt. I don't grieve for the dead, I grieve at the existence of death.
Families move away, cousins don't see each other nearly as much as we used to.
Thanksgiving and Easter were always the big Pepin holidays, at Aunt Patty's and Uncle Duke and Aunt Katie's.
Life changes, people move away.
In all honesty, I want to see my family this weekend but....there will be so many tears. I'm afraid of that pain and sorrow.
How does one mourn or grieve in a healthy way?
I lost my grandma and grandpa a few years ago, I was at the hospital when she passed. I hate death so much.
Things. Just. Stop.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Possible Summer Internship?
Restoring Eden is a national ministry that encourages Christians to learn to love, serve, and protect
God's creation. Our goal is to empower Christians to engage in faithful stewardship of the natural
world through education, public advocacy, environmental stewardship, and nature appreciation.
We accept our responsibility to examine our role as Christians in pursuing solutions and to
consider the impact of our lives upon the earth and humanity.
POSITION SUMMARY
Restoring Eden is growing, and we want to spread the word about our JUSTpower campaign. This
summer, we are traveling to Christian music festivals around the country as part of an effort to
inform and mobilize Christians who care about the earth and the impact we have on it.
We are looking for 2 – 4 interns to join us this summer. As an intern, you will have the opportunity
to be a key part of the growing Christian environmental movement at a very exciting time, get
experience in grassroots organizing, and develop invaluable contacts in the nonprofit world.
ELEGIBILITY
We are seeking passionate, motivated applicants who want to stand together against
environmental injustice and who have the following qualities:
• Ability to speak comfortably about the connection between Christian faith and caring for
creation.
• Flexible and willing to do some traveling if necessary.
• Excellent oral and written communication skill
• A demonstrated interest in environmental issues.
• Well‐organized
COMMITMENT
Hours: Full‐time
When: June – August, 2010 (dates are negotiable)
Where: Based out of Minneapolis, MN
COMPENSATION
$10‐$12/hr
In addition, Restoring Eden will cover work‐related travel expenses.
Oh man.....
God's creation. Our goal is to empower Christians to engage in faithful stewardship of the natural
world through education, public advocacy, environmental stewardship, and nature appreciation.
We accept our responsibility to examine our role as Christians in pursuing solutions and to
consider the impact of our lives upon the earth and humanity.
POSITION SUMMARY
Restoring Eden is growing, and we want to spread the word about our JUSTpower campaign. This
summer, we are traveling to Christian music festivals around the country as part of an effort to
inform and mobilize Christians who care about the earth and the impact we have on it.
We are looking for 2 – 4 interns to join us this summer. As an intern, you will have the opportunity
to be a key part of the growing Christian environmental movement at a very exciting time, get
experience in grassroots organizing, and develop invaluable contacts in the nonprofit world.
ELEGIBILITY
We are seeking passionate, motivated applicants who want to stand together against
environmental injustice and who have the following qualities:
• Ability to speak comfortably about the connection between Christian faith and caring for
creation.
• Flexible and willing to do some traveling if necessary.
• Excellent oral and written communication skill
• A demonstrated interest in environmental issues.
• Well‐organized
COMMITMENT
Hours: Full‐time
When: June – August, 2010 (dates are negotiable)
Where: Based out of Minneapolis, MN
COMPENSATION
$10‐$12/hr
In addition, Restoring Eden will cover work‐related travel expenses.
Oh man.....
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
All sorts of I don't know....
I wasn't too sure what I was going to do with myself this week and to be honest, I still don't.
I need to be with Him. It's kind of becoming ridiculous, honestly. I had some good time with Him this morning, continuing on in the Old Testament and rocking out to Crowders "A Collision" in the shower (I never want to shower music-less again).
So why this deep sadness? Is this intercession again? He's been showing me prayer a lot, and sometimes I get frustrated that I can't separate my own emotions from those He gives me (if that's truly what this is in the first place).
As of February 22nd, 2010, I am free, free of a ten year addiction to pornography. Ridiculous, right? It's not the same. Before, I felt like a lamb being led to the slaughter, something I had no control in, and now I have a say, I have a choice.
But please know in all of this, this isn't me. This isn't by my own power at all. God answered a prayer. Sitting in Greg's living room with my friends surrounding me in prayer (those physically present and those who interceded from afar), God did something big. I don't know exactly what, but I now know that I am awake after being dead, that I am a slave to righteousness and not sin.
just found out whose emotions I am feeling....wow.
I need to be with Him. It's kind of becoming ridiculous, honestly. I had some good time with Him this morning, continuing on in the Old Testament and rocking out to Crowders "A Collision" in the shower (I never want to shower music-less again).
So why this deep sadness? Is this intercession again? He's been showing me prayer a lot, and sometimes I get frustrated that I can't separate my own emotions from those He gives me (if that's truly what this is in the first place).
As of February 22nd, 2010, I am free, free of a ten year addiction to pornography. Ridiculous, right? It's not the same. Before, I felt like a lamb being led to the slaughter, something I had no control in, and now I have a say, I have a choice.
But please know in all of this, this isn't me. This isn't by my own power at all. God answered a prayer. Sitting in Greg's living room with my friends surrounding me in prayer (those physically present and those who interceded from afar), God did something big. I don't know exactly what, but I now know that I am awake after being dead, that I am a slave to righteousness and not sin.
just found out whose emotions I am feeling....wow.
Day 3 and going strong.
Tuesday went very well.
Woke up decently early and headed to the library to collect some books for the metaphysics paper I'm attempting to write. This one is a doozie and it's always hard for me to write papers because I have a hard time narrowing things down to one topic. Hopefully Meister will go with my plan of extending the paper deadline so I can make it better?
Watched a movie with Garrett and then had dinner with him and Ray at Ponderosa. Then we went back and wanted to watch Dogma but couldn't find a copy so we ended up watching The Proposal. Funnny.
This week has given me hope for quite a few things. At first, the idea of Greg and Lyndee moving away was a bit scary. They're two of my closest friends and Greg's been pouring into me for the past 2 years now, so it's hard to imagine life without them.
But they went on their honeymoon this week and I've been house sitting for them. It's been good. God is still here and very much so present. It's good to have a faith of my own, not dependent on anyone or anything of this world. *sigh* That's a good feeling.
I do miss them though. I miss Greg and Lyndee and Drew. I've hung out with Ray and I'm getting to see Twan on Thursday. Yeah...
Woke up decently early and headed to the library to collect some books for the metaphysics paper I'm attempting to write. This one is a doozie and it's always hard for me to write papers because I have a hard time narrowing things down to one topic. Hopefully Meister will go with my plan of extending the paper deadline so I can make it better?
Watched a movie with Garrett and then had dinner with him and Ray at Ponderosa. Then we went back and wanted to watch Dogma but couldn't find a copy so we ended up watching The Proposal. Funnny.
This week has given me hope for quite a few things. At first, the idea of Greg and Lyndee moving away was a bit scary. They're two of my closest friends and Greg's been pouring into me for the past 2 years now, so it's hard to imagine life without them.
But they went on their honeymoon this week and I've been house sitting for them. It's been good. God is still here and very much so present. It's good to have a faith of my own, not dependent on anyone or anything of this world. *sigh* That's a good feeling.
I do miss them though. I miss Greg and Lyndee and Drew. I've hung out with Ray and I'm getting to see Twan on Thursday. Yeah...
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
House Sitting Day 2
I was productive today. I did about half of the dishes and took the trash out and read an entire book.
Not too bad.
Garrett joined me today.
I'm reading Genesis and so far, here are some of my thoughts:
"Swarm is not the past tense of swam. It is a verb all on its' own."
"Who is Cain's wife?"
"God appeared as three men to Abraham in Genesis 18. Whoa."
Nothing incredibly deep or revealing, but admittedly I've never really dug into the Old Testament and with some recent revelation, I feel it's incredibly necessary to devote my attention there.
It's 10:30 in the morning (technically the third day I've house-sat, but I update on the day after the day is done) and the sun is shining for the second day in a row and I see blue skies.
Hope is being renewed and restored for the winter is slowly passing away and spring with its' new life is coming to join the waking world.
Here comes the Son.
Not too bad.
Garrett joined me today.
I'm reading Genesis and so far, here are some of my thoughts:
"Swarm is not the past tense of swam. It is a verb all on its' own."
"Who is Cain's wife?"
"God appeared as three men to Abraham in Genesis 18. Whoa."
Nothing incredibly deep or revealing, but admittedly I've never really dug into the Old Testament and with some recent revelation, I feel it's incredibly necessary to devote my attention there.
It's 10:30 in the morning (technically the third day I've house-sat, but I update on the day after the day is done) and the sun is shining for the second day in a row and I see blue skies.
Hope is being renewed and restored for the winter is slowly passing away and spring with its' new life is coming to join the waking world.
Here comes the Son.
Monday, March 1, 2010
First Day Of House Sitting
Well, it went well.
I wasn't nearly as productive as I wanted to be, then again, I did help is securing that $200 for Greg and Lyndee. The dishes still need to be done...and the trash needs to be taken out.
I did read an entire book in the span of a day and a half.
If you've not read "Oath" by Frank Peretti, you should.
On the list today? "Monster".
Ray and I made stir-fry. It was so good.
Took an epic shower, listened to Hush Sound.
And watched Terminator: Salvation. Not what I thought it was going to be (and yes, the governator did in fact make a cameo..it was appreciated.) It was good.
Susie's on break for the week at her house. She asked that I would not contact her at all this week, but I feel it's ok to mention her in my blog. If she reads it, I can't stop that.
Had an interesting/good talk with her dad. My thought process: If i had a daughter who was dating a boy I'd never met, I'd want that boy and me to be on the same page as to who he is and what he's all about. So, I did my best, I think. We shall see.
I wasn't nearly as productive as I wanted to be, then again, I did help is securing that $200 for Greg and Lyndee. The dishes still need to be done...and the trash needs to be taken out.
I did read an entire book in the span of a day and a half.
If you've not read "Oath" by Frank Peretti, you should.
On the list today? "Monster".
Ray and I made stir-fry. It was so good.
Took an epic shower, listened to Hush Sound.
And watched Terminator: Salvation. Not what I thought it was going to be (and yes, the governator did in fact make a cameo..it was appreciated.) It was good.
Susie's on break for the week at her house. She asked that I would not contact her at all this week, but I feel it's ok to mention her in my blog. If she reads it, I can't stop that.
Had an interesting/good talk with her dad. My thought process: If i had a daughter who was dating a boy I'd never met, I'd want that boy and me to be on the same page as to who he is and what he's all about. So, I did my best, I think. We shall see.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Ressurection
It's kind of amazing how people have the power of resurrection.
That person you were, they have died.
And yet somehow, by the power of others, you find yourself staring at your old self, the person you were.
It's ugly.
And it hurts.
Has no one read a redemptive story? A "Christmas Carol" or even a "Harry Potter" (in reference to Severus Snape)?
Do we honestly believe people cannot change?
I'm done with this. I do not need to defend myself, I let God be my judge and I will be held accountable to Him.
Who am I now?
Come and see.
That person you were, they have died.
And yet somehow, by the power of others, you find yourself staring at your old self, the person you were.
It's ugly.
And it hurts.
Has no one read a redemptive story? A "Christmas Carol" or even a "Harry Potter" (in reference to Severus Snape)?
Do we honestly believe people cannot change?
I'm done with this. I do not need to defend myself, I let God be my judge and I will be held accountable to Him.
Who am I now?
Come and see.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Lies, Lies, Lies.
Just in case anyone has any doubts....
I AFFIRM THE TRUTH OF SCRIPTURE! I AFFIRM IT'S VALIDITY AS THE WORD OF GOD!
I am not in a cult. Nor have I ever been. I do not believe that only I have truth and no one else does. Really?????????
I do not like chapel all the time. It happens. Not a big fan of some of the speakers, though not because I believe they have no truth.
Other people have truth, in fact a lot of people do. It's awesome because they are called our brothers and sisters in Christ.
Anything else you care to throw at me?
I AFFIRM THE TRUTH OF SCRIPTURE! I AFFIRM IT'S VALIDITY AS THE WORD OF GOD!
I am not in a cult. Nor have I ever been. I do not believe that only I have truth and no one else does. Really?????????
I do not like chapel all the time. It happens. Not a big fan of some of the speakers, though not because I believe they have no truth.
Other people have truth, in fact a lot of people do. It's awesome because they are called our brothers and sisters in Christ.
Anything else you care to throw at me?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Life just got a whole lot more interesting.
I choose you.
Wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow
Will you walk this path with me?
Wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow
Will you walk this path with me?
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Out there...
Freedom for:the captives, the blind, the deaf, the mute.
Truth blasted like a billion megawatt search light.
Bondage melts away like the winter months.
New life, His life, as you give Him yours.
Identities switch from that of a servant to a child.
Peace seeps into your soul.
Being in His presence as an end to itself.
Fellowship with the Almighty.
Intimacy eternally.
....just how radical do you want to get?
Truth blasted like a billion megawatt search light.
Bondage melts away like the winter months.
New life, His life, as you give Him yours.
Identities switch from that of a servant to a child.
Peace seeps into your soul.
Being in His presence as an end to itself.
Fellowship with the Almighty.
Intimacy eternally.
....just how radical do you want to get?
Monday, February 15, 2010
Randomness....sort of
People who hate valentines day = single people. Learn to love while being single.
Sing to Him, please. Or yell, or scream. Just make sure your heart is in it, otherwise it's shallow, weak and awkward.
I believe in the Holy Spirit and I believe you can be free from your sin, as is you do not need to struggle with it any longer.
I believe being a Christian begins with the cross, not ends with it.
Guilt is NOT a part of His plan, nor do I believe He uses it. I believe the word is "conviction".
Stop trying to relate and just let yourself be challenged.
Willingness and humbleness are KEY to any sort of spiritual growth.
Guys, tell a girl she is beautiful today, but make sure you explain your motivation.
Girls, let a guy tell you you're beautiful and know he is a brother.
Acoustic guitar is one of the most beautiful sounds to my ear, currently.
(that's all for now...inspiration has left me)
Sing to Him, please. Or yell, or scream. Just make sure your heart is in it, otherwise it's shallow, weak and awkward.
I believe in the Holy Spirit and I believe you can be free from your sin, as is you do not need to struggle with it any longer.
I believe being a Christian begins with the cross, not ends with it.
Guilt is NOT a part of His plan, nor do I believe He uses it. I believe the word is "conviction".
Stop trying to relate and just let yourself be challenged.
Willingness and humbleness are KEY to any sort of spiritual growth.
Guys, tell a girl she is beautiful today, but make sure you explain your motivation.
Girls, let a guy tell you you're beautiful and know he is a brother.
Acoustic guitar is one of the most beautiful sounds to my ear, currently.
(that's all for now...inspiration has left me)
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Lost
I believe I've lost myself
in You.
I can't quite tell where You
begin
and where I
end.
I've lost myself so deep in You.
It's so light here, no darkness, no burden.
And the pieces of me rest in the whole peace of You.
Seems so simple, now that I'm here.
I've lost myself so deep in You,
and I've no desire to return to where I
came from.
I don't think I ever will.
Return, that is.
in You.
I can't quite tell where You
begin
and where I
end.
I've lost myself so deep in You.
It's so light here, no darkness, no burden.
And the pieces of me rest in the whole peace of You.
Seems so simple, now that I'm here.
I've lost myself so deep in You,
and I've no desire to return to where I
came from.
I don't think I ever will.
Return, that is.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Nothing Too Important
Things seem to be back on track, to quote a good friend. I don't think I've realized how far off track I was until I suddenly, quite unexpectedly, but graciously found myself back on track. Soothes the soul, you know?
Breathe Deeply. Inhale Slowly, and hold it for just a second longer than normal; slowly exhale and let your body relax. Rest, let Him love you the way He desires (and the way you desire, though you may not know it). Find solitude, find escape from all the noise, noise, noise, noise. Go and enjoy a walk alone. Appreciate the time in the shower when you're left with your thoughts and Him. He's always there, we just don't live life through that context. Just because we don't see Him or even necessarily feel Him doesn't mean He isn't there. So, we're never alone, are we? Ever. That can be quite a comforting thought, or one that invokes more conviction than we care to admit to. It's funny how that works out sometimes. Man, I do not like guilt. Let conviction rest on you, not guilt. Guilt keeps you still, right behind the tree branch, but he conviction opens your eyes to the fact that we are FREE to simply grab Jesus' hand and step over the branch. (the idea is that you're on a path and there's a big tree branch laying on the ground in front of you. Are you going to stare at the branch all day, lamenting about the fact that it's there, in front of you so long that you begin to question if you even know it's a branch or something else which throws you for an even bigger loop. Or will you simply let Jesus help you step OVER it and move on?) There's my analogy for the night.
P.S It's becoming increasingly more difficult to type on my laptop. For some reason (whether I'm actually causing it or my computer is malfunctioning) randomly, wherever the mouse is, that's where the cursor jumps to. Fortunately for this website, it asks me before I navigate to another page, though not all websites are like that. Writing long emails via Exchange or FB messaging has become a very tedious task.
Breathe Deeply. Inhale Slowly, and hold it for just a second longer than normal; slowly exhale and let your body relax. Rest, let Him love you the way He desires (and the way you desire, though you may not know it). Find solitude, find escape from all the noise, noise, noise, noise. Go and enjoy a walk alone. Appreciate the time in the shower when you're left with your thoughts and Him. He's always there, we just don't live life through that context. Just because we don't see Him or even necessarily feel Him doesn't mean He isn't there. So, we're never alone, are we? Ever. That can be quite a comforting thought, or one that invokes more conviction than we care to admit to. It's funny how that works out sometimes. Man, I do not like guilt. Let conviction rest on you, not guilt. Guilt keeps you still, right behind the tree branch, but he conviction opens your eyes to the fact that we are FREE to simply grab Jesus' hand and step over the branch. (the idea is that you're on a path and there's a big tree branch laying on the ground in front of you. Are you going to stare at the branch all day, lamenting about the fact that it's there, in front of you so long that you begin to question if you even know it's a branch or something else which throws you for an even bigger loop. Or will you simply let Jesus help you step OVER it and move on?) There's my analogy for the night.
P.S It's becoming increasingly more difficult to type on my laptop. For some reason (whether I'm actually causing it or my computer is malfunctioning) randomly, wherever the mouse is, that's where the cursor jumps to. Fortunately for this website, it asks me before I navigate to another page, though not all websites are like that. Writing long emails via Exchange or FB messaging has become a very tedious task.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Alluring
Different, not the same, exotic, unique, special.
Why are the different things so attractive? Why is the unknown so alluring? What is it about this thing we know so little about that makes us so curious? Why is there this innate sense of curiosity that demands us to ask questions, to examine, to obsess?
This seems a bit too existential for me, though it's definitely not what you think.
God, grant me peace. Allow me to continue on. Lead those into my path You would have me encounter. Do not allow me to be hindered by branches that can simply be stepped over. Be my breath.
Why are the different things so attractive? Why is the unknown so alluring? What is it about this thing we know so little about that makes us so curious? Why is there this innate sense of curiosity that demands us to ask questions, to examine, to obsess?
This seems a bit too existential for me, though it's definitely not what you think.
God, grant me peace. Allow me to continue on. Lead those into my path You would have me encounter. Do not allow me to be hindered by branches that can simply be stepped over. Be my breath.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
(no subject )
Greg and Lyndee are married. Finally. I think things are going to be changing a lot now. Not necessarily all because of them but it's part of it. And I think it will be a good change. I guess it just depends on who is changing and what that change is.
I don't know.
It's one of those bad days. It's bound to be when my day starts off like it did today. Not quite sure how to bounce back from it. And leaving and going somewhere with with someone won't help either which is exactly what I want to do. Ironic, huh?
Sometimes I feel like a wanton.
I don't know.
It's one of those bad days. It's bound to be when my day starts off like it did today. Not quite sure how to bounce back from it. And leaving and going somewhere with with someone won't help either which is exactly what I want to do. Ironic, huh?
Sometimes I feel like a wanton.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
It's been too long...
It's February now, and I don't feel anyone really caught my profile picture on facebook. I thought it was very clever.
It's funny how life has it's seasons and quirks.
blah. Thought I was in the mood. I'm not
It's funny how life has it's seasons and quirks.
blah. Thought I was in the mood. I'm not
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Ever have one of those days...
...where you see people and wished you knew them better?
That's been this entire school year.
Stupid bondage.
That's been this entire school year.
Stupid bondage.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Not a whole lot
i don't have a lot to say currently, which begs the question "why the post then?".
Well, i don't know.
The Vikings just had another turnover. Favre is pretty much done what with being pummeled the entire game. I don't get into football, and this is the first game I've seriously sat down and watched all season. Not a whole lot that appeals to me.
There's a lot that's going on in the world right now....Haiti, proposition 8...Greg's Wedding. Wow.
Anyway.
Well, i don't know.
The Vikings just had another turnover. Favre is pretty much done what with being pummeled the entire game. I don't get into football, and this is the first game I've seriously sat down and watched all season. Not a whole lot that appeals to me.
There's a lot that's going on in the world right now....Haiti, proposition 8...Greg's Wedding. Wow.
Anyway.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I've been off for two days and counting.
No cold sweats, no shakes, no random cravings.
Sigh, I still mentally make note of things that would make good statuses. That may never leave. But it's ok because I feel like I have a narrator to my life. That narrator may be me, but that's ok.
Trying sitting alone at lunch someday in the D.C. It's a fun time (no sarcasm intended).
No cold sweats, no shakes, no random cravings.
Sigh, I still mentally make note of things that would make good statuses. That may never leave. But it's ok because I feel like I have a narrator to my life. That narrator may be me, but that's ok.
Trying sitting alone at lunch someday in the D.C. It's a fun time (no sarcasm intended).
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Peace at last
Today I found peace, finally. After a long and frustrating night, I believe I have some peace. Yes, the need to not be alone needs to die, but being with others is not bad. It's when i am with others simply because I don't want to be alone, that is the problem. I need NOT to idolize the presence of others. I can be around others, but I need to understand the motivation behind the action. WHY do I do what I do.
Goood.
Goood.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
me in a nutshell
pissed pissed pissed lonely pissed lonely confused lonely lonely lonely confused confused pissed pissed pissed confused confused confused
Monday, January 18, 2010
On lonliness....
it's going to happen to me a lot this semester.
Does God ever give you a glimpse of what work He's going to be doing in you?
I'm going to be alone a lot this semester. It scares me and it's uncomfortable, but i know that the ends justify the means so I will be obedient, despite the pain and loneliness and frustrations I'm going to experience.
1Peter 4:13.
Does God ever give you a glimpse of what work He's going to be doing in you?
I'm going to be alone a lot this semester. It scares me and it's uncomfortable, but i know that the ends justify the means so I will be obedient, despite the pain and loneliness and frustrations I'm going to experience.
1Peter 4:13.
Friday, January 15, 2010
It's time
Oh my, this week went by fast. New classes, new schedule, a whole lot more time it seems. I don't know where it came from, but suddenly I feel as it there are 25 or 26 hours to a day. Or maybe my time management skills are improving. Either way....I'm likin' it.
I've started working out with Lyndee. Man, I do not like the process of working out. Obviously, I'll enjoy the results. Well, I enjoy the process, just not the soreness between work-outs. I know that will diminish in time, but for now, no pain no pain apparently.
I've stopped banging my head against the proverbial wall. You won't understand that, but that's ok. I'd just you to know that I've stopped and I have more peace than previous.
My handwriting is in a Bible. 2Samuel 7:21. Random!
I'm blessed beyond any measure of any kind. To have people pay so that I can do something I love and have it prepare me to serve God and others? Really? Are you that Good, God?
I've started working out with Lyndee. Man, I do not like the process of working out. Obviously, I'll enjoy the results. Well, I enjoy the process, just not the soreness between work-outs. I know that will diminish in time, but for now, no pain no pain apparently.
I've stopped banging my head against the proverbial wall. You won't understand that, but that's ok. I'd just you to know that I've stopped and I have more peace than previous.
My handwriting is in a Bible. 2Samuel 7:21. Random!
I'm blessed beyond any measure of any kind. To have people pay so that I can do something I love and have it prepare me to serve God and others? Really? Are you that Good, God?
Monday, January 11, 2010
Like Sand Through an hourglass....
...so are the days in Dave's life....
One large soap opera would be a good way to describe my life currently. Quite a bit of unexpected (and frankly unwelcome) drama going on. Both with family and friends. In some ways it concerns me directly and others, I can only watch with horror as it unfolds (I wrote that to Melissa first, and then I copied it to this blog).
But patient must I be, for the story seems to be unraveling at a pace slow enough to keep up with.
Patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, love, joy, peace and self-control. I must continually remind myself of these.
Love (insert name) to death. I believe Jesus has a right to say this, however we don't. He loved us to death, but have we loved Him to death? Random thought.
One large soap opera would be a good way to describe my life currently. Quite a bit of unexpected (and frankly unwelcome) drama going on. Both with family and friends. In some ways it concerns me directly and others, I can only watch with horror as it unfolds (I wrote that to Melissa first, and then I copied it to this blog).
But patient must I be, for the story seems to be unraveling at a pace slow enough to keep up with.
Patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, love, joy, peace and self-control. I must continually remind myself of these.
Love (insert name) to death. I believe Jesus has a right to say this, however we don't. He loved us to death, but have we loved Him to death? Random thought.
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